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Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Um, no.

So I mentioned that Monday is my six month anniversary.  One thing you should know about the wedding industry is that once they have your contact info, they never, ever leave you alone.  Ever.

Sometimes this is fun, as when you are invited to a fashion gala (with free drinks and food) at your bridal shop.  Sometimes, this means you receive endless e-mails from wedding websites that you no longer want anything to do with.

Yesterday I received an e-mail from The Knot (  We signed up for The Knot solely for the purpose of creating a wedding website, where we could store all of the details of our registry, hotel details, times of various things etc.  The subject line of the e-mail read "It's Been 6 Months Since Your Wedding..."

"How nice," I thought.  "A congratulations e-mail."  But instead, I opened up the message to find....this.

"Get knocked up already, so we can send you more e-mails"

Because I've been married for about half a second, I obviously want nothing more than to pop a few midgets out of my uterus, so instead of "hey, congratulations you made it through the first six months of wedded bliss!" I get "Why the F&%$ aren't you making babies yet?"

Well, The Knot...I'll tell you why.  It's because we are in absolutely no hurry to have a baby anytime soon.  We love that we can go out to dinner, yoga, a movie or a concert without having to worry about finding a sitter.  Our list of places we want to travel is at least a mile long.  And honestly, right now we're having a great time just being married, and savoring being together after two years when our version of a "dinner date" was usually just eating at the same time while on skype. 

My parents waited eight years before they had me, and still say it was the best decision they ever made because it gave them time to establish their relationship and have fun together, and create a great space into which to bring a child.

I was thinking about this a lot while brushing my teeth last night - for whatever reason, I have a lot of deep and profound thoughts in front of the bathroom sink - and I started to wonder why our culture seems to have such a problem with just being happy where you are.  What is it that makes us feel like we need to be constantly moving towards the next bigger and better thing?

In my Anusara class, our teacher has been talking a lot about staying.  As hard as it is to move forward, sometimes it is harder to just stay - in the moment, on the mat, in your practice, in your relationship.

A few months ago in a hot vinyasa class at a different studio, we did a sequence moving from Figure Four, to a forward fold with the same leg position, and then to the arm balance Eka Pada Galavasana.  I was in the forward fold with my hands and the floor ready to move into the arm balance, when the teacher said: "Before you move into the arm balance, ask yourself why you are going there.  In this case, the arm balance might actually be the easier option."

Eka Pada is the more "advanced" pose, but that doesn't mean it was the most advanced thing to do in this situation.  I asked myself if I wanted to go into the arm balance because it was where my real work needed to happen, or whether I just wanted to get out of the forward fold. 

Instead of moving on, I decided to stay where I was.  As I hovered over my disgustingly sweaty mat, my focuse became more clear.  I began to notice where I needed to make small adjustments, and as I made these adjustments I felt how they would inform the arm balance, making me steadier there as well.

It is not an easy thing to stay, or to be steady.  Your endurance starts to give, and uncomfortable sensations build up that make you want to get out - but the real practice is to breathe and stay calm through the discomfort. It might feel like it will never end, but eventually it will.  And when it does, the way you commit to this moment will inform the way you live when it's over, and later when you do decide it's time to move on to the next big thing.

Yes, Ben and I definitely want to have children someday - that's always been part of the plan.  And I know that when we do, it will be because it's the right time for both of us, not because it's just the next logical step for married people.  I also know that our kids will be born on a solid, loving foundation that my husband and I build together, by learning to live deeply in our relationship and stay true when things are difficult.

Instead of always wanting something bigger and better, explore the place where you are more deeply.  You might find that there is more joy, more love, and more to learn.

Sorry that this went from snarking on the knot to cheesy and reflective rambling with basically no segue.

In summary: The Knot needs to settle the F down, and yoga is awesome.


  1. Beautiful post, Kristina. I love the sentiment.

  2. well OBVIOUSLY, once you've gotten married there's nothing left in life but having kids, right? haha. I do my best thinking in the shower, by the way. It isn't the sink, but its close!

  3. Haha totally! I do a lot of thinking in the shower too...just the bathroom in general, I guess. Weird? Maybe a little...

  4. oh that is ridiculous! well- hope you have a great 6 month anniversary!


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