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Sunday, January 8, 2012

Ridiculous Encounters with Bloggers

It is a well known fact that bloggers will often deem themselves experts in a field in which they hold no actual credentials.  Someone who posts photos of themselves wearing clothes every day is suddenly a fashion "expert."  Another person decides to go to the gym occasionally and now they are a fitness "expert."  You know how it goes.

Why I will never be a "Fashion Blogger"

But what happens when a man possessing a complete inability to read social cues and/or interact appropriately with others dubs themselves a dating expert and coach, and then hits on your friend at Chino Latino?  Let's examine.

A good friend of mine, let's call her "Sarah" was in Uptown the other night having dinner with her friend, who we'll call "Tina."  They were having a perfectly enjoyable evening when suddenly Tina goes: "uh oh... I was just staring off into space and accidentally made reeeeallly awkward eye contact with this guy at the bar, and now he won't stop looking over here."  "Just ignore him," Sarah suggested.  So they did.  Tina, who is married and has a 3-year-old, also made sure to "accidentally" flash her wedding ring in his direction multiple times.

They thought they had thwarted his intentions, but 10 minutes later....
Tina: Oh crap he's coming over.
Dude: (Walks up to table, staring at Tina) YOU... (pauses.  finally sees wedding ring.)...are married.
(turns to Sarah)  But YOU have beautiful eyes!
Sarah: You've been sitting behind me all night.
Dude: Well... I mean, just seeing them now! They are so beautiful!
(long awkward pause)
Dude: (looks at Tina's drink)  Your drink looks amazing.  (it is a super-girly martini with a flower in it).  You know, the bartender here, best bartender in the city.  I wrote an article about him (whips out his smartphone which happens to conveniently already have the article in its browser).  See, here's my article (shoves phone in Sarah's face)
Girls: Mmmmm.....
(another long awkward pause during which any normal human would realize the conversation is over)
Dude: (clearly staring at an area somewhere between Sarah's shoulders and the table)That is awesome, by the way.
Sarah: (Kind of shocked. Forgets she is wearing a necklace. Gestures to her boobs) mean this????
Dude: Well I actually meant your necklace, but I'm hoping to see those later too. (wink.  haha.  Looks back and forth between Sarah and Tina). Actually I wouldn't mind seeing either of you naked.
Dude: Well, you guys seem like really cool people, I'd love to hang out with you sometime, cause you know, you seem really cool.  Here, I'll give you my card.  (Hands card to Sarah)
Sarah: "Chief Coach"?  What are you, like, a life coach?
Dude: Well, sort coach actually.  I have a blog too (tells her name of blog)
Sarah: Huh.
Dude: I'm just going to put it on the line, you seem awesome and I would love to take you out on a date sometime.  Can I have your number?
Sarah: Well, I have your contact info now (holds up card).
Dude: you want me to call you, or...
Sarah: Um...well...I have your
Dude: Awesome.  Well, it was great meeting you both.

So there you have it.  For someone who is a self-proclaimed expert in the field of getting the ladies, he crashed and burned in a spectacular manner  Not only was he in no way smooth or sexy, his manner of approaching women (much like his blog, which I have now read most of and laughed until I cried) exhibits an intriguing combination of awkwardness and douchery.
Women love it when you make them feel awkward and objectified

So I guess all I'm trying to say is, before you declare yourself an expert in something just because you blog about it, first ask yourself the following questions:
1) Do people other than my mother tell me I am great at this?
       1) a. Do they do so without me fishing for compliments?  Be honest.
2) Are my efforts in this field usually successful?
3) Do I have enough experience in this to qualify as an "expert," or any credentials that give me actual expert status?

If the answer to the above questions is consistently "no," then you probably should not be dispensing advice to others.

So there you have it.  Encounters with a local dating blogger and expert, who should probably find another vocation.  Hope you all had a lovely weekend!

p.s. "Sarah" - if any of this is inaccurate or if I missed any essential/hilarious details PLEASE e-mail me so I can correct my errors.  I'm sure some things were lost in my re-telling of your re-telling.

1 comment:

  1. Happy six month, my dear! And that curry sounds soooo good. I usually don't go to Asian markets, but I think this is worth it!


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