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Saturday, January 14, 2012

Quiz: Which Twin Cities grocery store should you shop at?

The other day as I was reading blogs during lunch, I was inspired by Eden's grocery-store quiz to come up with one of my own.  I realized while reading hers that many grocery-store behaviors may be regionally specific, or even specific to certain areas of town, and that my Trader Joe's shopper may be quite different from yours.  As such, this is a very Minneapolis-focused quiz.  Enjoy!

1) When do you usually do your grocery shopping?
    a. At 3pm on Saturday, or basically whenever the masses decide to venture to the store.
    b. Whenever.  I refuse to work for the man and have a non-traditional/artsy job or am
        a student, so I shop at random times.
    c. 2am on a Tuesday, cause I'm drunk and want pizza.
    d. One of two options:  1 - I don't, my nanny does that for me while I'm at work
        making 6 figures.  2 - Anytime, cause my significant other/spouse is at work making
        6 figures.

2) When I go grocery shopping, my mood is usually:
    a. I am stressed out and ready to kill some bitches.  In the parking lot, in line, in the
        frozen foods section, wherever.  If you come between me and my 10 boxes of cereal
        or the last parking spot, prepare to die.
    b. Kind of spacy.  I tend to wander aimlessly about the produce section, making sure to
        tell all the other customers that the grapes here are THE BOMB.
    c. Meh.
    d. I pretend I'm in no hurry, but really I'm pissed that you are walking so slowly. I am
        totally better than you anyways.

3) When I go to the store, I am usually wearing:
    a. Jeans and a sweater or sweatshirt
    b. Whatever the hipsters are wearing.  Most likely got it at a vintage store (or at Urban
        Outfitters, but I'll still say it's vintage if anyone asks)
    c. The same sweatpants I've been wearing all day and probably slept in last night
    d. Clothes that make me look like a hobo but actually cost $5,000.  Or hipster-ish
        clothes that an actual hipster could never afford.

4) I drive a:
    a. Modestly priced 4-door sedan or small SUV.
    b. Old beat-up VW
    c. Old beat-up anything
    d. Prius.  Or BMW.

5) In line, I:
    a. Don't care if you have to wait behind me while I make the only cashier in this line
        bag my 5,000 items.  I was here first bitch.  And now I will go home and feed my
        family of 5 and dog.
    b. Strike up a conversation about how AMAZING this local organic milk is.
    c.  Have no problem going through the self-checkout with an entire cart full of groceries,
        even if I have no clue how to use the machine.  If not using the self-checkout, I am
        probably old and will pay with a check.
    d. Talk on my cell phone.

Mostly A's - Apparently you have a massochistic streak because you love shopping at Trader Joe's!  You, brave soul, are willing to face poorly designed parking lots and murderous soccer moms just to score a good deal on some frozen Channa Masala, hummus, and $4 Chardonnay.  Good for you!  Just try not to go on a Saturday afternoon because you may not live to tell the tale.

These people have clearly learned their lesson.

Mostly B's - Congratulations, you shop at The Wedge!  You probably have a couple of tattoos, love yoga and 89.3 the current, and can mysteriously afford all kinds of organic and local produce even though you are a grad student living in a studio apartment.  And just FYI, it's OK that you shop at Urban Outfitters.  Just make sure to put on deodorant before you start trying on clothes.

Don't forget your bike!
Mostly C's - You, my friend, are a Rainbow Foods shopper.  You don't really care whether your produce is organic or your meat free range, because let's face it, you're pretty much here for the potato chips and hot pockets anyway.  You keep doing your thing, but please leave the self-checkout for those who are actually competent at using it.

Man and Woman Grocery Shopping; Full Grocery Cart
"Let's try that newfangled self check out line!"
stock image...hence the large X through it
Mostly D's - You shop at Whole Foods.  During the day you make billions of dollars getting your guilty clients off by finding loopholes in the legal system, or figuring out how to deny someone insurance coverage because of a "pre-existing condition" (being left-handed is a pre-existing condition right??) but it's cool because you give a ton of money to Save the Dolphins or some shit.  You are the epitome of Minnesota Nice, and will smile benevolently at me while secretly judging me for the contents of my grocery cart as you tell me about your life-changing journey to an Ashram in India.  Don't lie to me.  It was a resort on St. Lucia but whatever.

Obviously I am not one to judge.  I shop at the Wedge all the time and my stereotype of a Wedge shopper is pretty descriptive of me, except that a) I don't dress like a hipster or have any tattoos, and b) I am no longer a student and am drawing an actual salary that helps me to afford my organic produce.

My main experience with Rainbow Foods comes from the Lake and Emerson Rainbow.  And yes, I have been there for drunk hot pockets at 3am several times.  And I am seriously convinced that Trader Joe's (at least the ones in St. Louis Park and St. Paul) purposely design their parking lots just to mess with everyone.


  1. haha- this is too funny. I fit some of each of them, which is probably because I shop at all four of those stores, as well as at Target and SuperAmerica (depending on desperation haha). The lake and emerson rainbow is not bad. I actually just had a conversation with a friend of mine about whether or not there are any "decent" rainbows and that one stood out. THe one I shop at, on lake and minnehaha, is pretty bleak...

  2. Yup, me too! I shop at Target when it's convenient, but those are pretty much the four I go to, depending on what I need. You're right, the Lake and Emerson Rainbow is not bad at all, I used to live 2 blocks from it and shopped there allll the time. The new one off of 394 and 100 is also really nice - kind of swanky actually. There are definitely some shady ones though...and I think I know the one you're talking about (lake and Minnehaha).

  3. haha. I think I am different every time I go to the grocery store! I try to go on weekend mornings, but sometimes I'll drop by after work. If I go after work I'm in a huge hurry to get in and get out, but if I go on the morning on the weekend I like to take my sweet time and wander around.

  4. Me too, I go at such random times - I try to go on weekend mornings, but I've actually found a good time to go is during my lunch hour at work (if I have time - a lot of days I end up just working through lunch and eating at my desk). The stores are pretty empty, and then after work I get to just go home!


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