Analytics Tracker

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The beginning of the end

Today was my first day back at school. I'd done basically nothing to prepare for this, so at 10:30 last night I was scrambling around trying to get everything together... and wondering where the F is my bus pass, do I need notebooks, crap I don't have any pencils etc. It was only as I was running out the door this morning that I realized, this is my last "first day of school" ever. .. and I got some mixed feelings.
Even if I go back to take more classes, or for a PhD program (NOT likely...), it won't be the same feeling of returning to a close-knit group of people, many of whom you haven't seen since May, laughing and sharing stories and... yeah I geek out over new school supplies. I also have a cubby. And all my meals today were free because of student club meetings, and I got to go home at 3.

I should just say that grad school for me has not been all sunshine and flowers... last year, I was actually pretty miserable. I suddenly felt like everyone around me had it together, and I had no idea who I was or what I wanted. I felt like a complete failure in a multitude of ways, and, by late spring semester, no matter how optimistic I forced myself to be when I walked out the door in the morning, I was totally freaking out by about 1pm.

Yoga was honestly pretty much the only thing that kept me sane last year. It gave me an excuse to spend an hour, a few times a week, to shut my mind off from everything that was weighing me down. Pada 1, 1.2 of Pantjali's Yoga Sturas is: Yogas chitta vritti nirodha, or roughly translated, "Yoga is the restraint of the modifications of the mind-stuff". This basically means that when our misperceptions of what is going on around us create a false understanding of ourselves and drive us bananas, yoga can help us focus and redirect our thoughts, freeing us from the patterns of perception that obscure the true nature of life and self.

It's easy, when a thousand different pressures are pulling you in all directions, to lose sight of who you are and what you really want out of life. We forget what is truly important to us, because of what others tell us should be important... but sometimes you have to just say, screw it. Do I want to study another hour for my managerial accounting final, or do I want to spend this time drinking wine and cooking with Ben? In 10 years, which one will I actually remember?

Ben's friend Neeraj told him you should plan your life by thinking about where you want to be in your last days, and what you want to remember when you look back. I want to remember taking advantage of new possibilities, and cherishing time with the people I love, and so I will invest time in those relationships and in myself and my own happiness - and if I didn't get the perfect MBA internship I thought I wanted, who cares? If I could give this year's first-year students one piece of advice, it would be this: figure out what YOU want...and don't freak out. Don't spend all of your time, effort and mental energy going after something that isn't really you, just because you feel like you SHOULD want that... if you are true to yourself, everything will work out for the best.

On another note, tonight I have a 5:30 yoga class followed by my homemade meal of the day: salad with avocado, pineapple, and my favorite homemade dressing... it's delicious.
Salad dressing recipe (provided by my cousin Alisha):
1/2 cup sugar
1/3 cup red or white wine vinegar
2 tbs poppyseeds
1-2 tsp dry mustard (sorry... i can't remember if it's 1 or 2! Just do it to taste...)
1 cup olive oil
Put them all together in a bowl and whisk until combined. The original salad recipe called for avocado, olives and strawberries as toppings for the greens, but I just use whatever I have on hand. Enjoy :)

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...