Yoga is not relaxing

A couple of weeks ago, I joined the Asana Junkies practice group with one of my favorite yoga teachers and writers, Christina Sell.  Every week, Christina gives us a new sequence, and hosts a webinar to discuss our experience with practicing that sequence and provides an open forum for discussion.

Dudes, these sequences are hard. 

Like, really hard.

Not because they involve crazy advanced poses, but because they challenge your stamina and willpower by asking you to hold postures for a really long-ass time.  Just to give you an idea, the first week's sequence started out with a 5-minute headstand, four 1-minute handstands, and there are ten backbends.  Ten.  Five urdhva dhanurasanas and five dwi pada viparitta dandasanas, one minute each.

Urdhva Dhanurasana

dwi pada viparitta dhandasana
( I'm working it with bent legs similar to Urdhva. 
None of this straight legs nonsense)

While attempting to practice this sequence, I learned a number of things:

• What I think is one minute, is actually about 20 seconds
• The above statement is especially true in pavritta trikonasana
• I cannot do four 1-minute handstands in a row
• But, I can rock a 5 minute headstand
• Pinca Mayurasana is still really, really hard

Most importantly, though, I learned what happens when you push through the point when you would normally give up.  And then you push through it again.  And again.  And over and over for 2 hours.  The thing is, if you stay in the pose long enough there's sometimes this moment of transformation, like breaking through a wall, and you discover a whole new depth to a pose you thought you already knew.

In a related story, I feel like there's this myth that doing yoga is basically stretching while listening to relaxing music and feeling blissed out.  I know this misconception exists, because while leaving class I have occasionally heard gripes such as "Um, that was NOT relaxing"  - the implication being that hey, I thought yoga was all peaceful but that was REALLY HARD and I kind of just wanted to do tree pose and you made me do all of this difficult shit and now I am PISSED.

I'm not sure how this myth got started exactly, because on what planet is this supposed to be relaxing:

Sure, BKS Iyengar...sure.

I think it might have something to do with the numerous articles asserting that yoga is some miracle cure that will magically relieve stress and anxiety, quiet your mind, and focus your energy.

[quick aside - for the next couple of paragraphs I'm going to use the word "Yoga" when what I really mean is Asana.  I think when most people think of Yoga, they think of Asana practice and I realize the two are not interchangable but that's how we're going to roll for a few minutes]

Yoga does do these things - not because it is inherently relaxing, but because it is inherently stressful.  Balancing upside down on your head is not relaxing.  Twisting into a pretzel is not relaxing.  The mental benefits are derived from working to stay calm and centered while in these difficult positions. 

Think about it.  It doesn't make sense to think that we could learn to manage stress by staying relaxed in a comfortable situation. In order to grow in our capacity to stay grounded in stressful situations, we have to practice...staying grounded in stressful situations.

I recently came across this Psychology Today article, which explains how we form new neural pathways by re-training our brain.  The fight or flight response is somewhat innate, but it can be changed by the repeated action of a new response.  Learning to breathe deeply and quiet your mind while sitting on your couch watching The Bachelor is very different than learning to breathe deeply and quiet your mind while you are twisted into a pretzel and hovering over the floor.


A few weeks ago, I heard a story on NPR about the different ways in which Asian and U.S. cultures approach the experience of struggle and challenge.  In the U.S., we see struggle as a sign of low intelligence, and assume that being smart means you will "get it" right away.  In Asian cultures, struggling is seen as a sign of mental fortitutde.

"In Eastern cultures, Stigler says, it's just assumed that struggle is a predictable part of the learning process. Everyone is expected to struggle in the process of learning, and so struggling becomes a chance to show that you, the student, have what it takes emotionally to resolve the problem by persisting through that struggle."

When my husband comes home after a day of work with yet another story of a student who didn't hand in his or her work because they "couldn't do it," my immediate reaction is usually "bah, kids these days don't understand responsibility, no work ethic blah blah blah..."

But what if what we're seeing isn't laziness or lack of accountability, but instead the natural result of a culture that has stopped teaching our children that it's OK to struggle?  That writes people off if they do not immediately grasp a concept or produce a deliverable the right way?  I've seen this happen both at school and at work, and it is so unfortunate, because the people who have to work the hardest to get where they need to be, often end up being just as good if not better than those who 'get it' right away. 

Not to generalize (ok, that was a lie I am totally generalizing), but we are a nation that looks for easy fixes to our problems.  Exercise that doesn't make you tired, diets where you can eat whatever you want, and I think it's given us the impression that nothing should be hard and if it is, you're just not good at it or you're doing it wrong.

Just to bring everything full circle, yoga can teach us how to struggle skillfully.  It puts us in a place that is not comfortable, and then challenges us to work through that feeling.  By repeating this process, we can literally re-wire our brain to respond differently under stress.

Yes, you can absolutely go to a very meditative place while practicing asana - I can and often do. But the path to getting to that place is not always smooth, and you can't expect to get there every single time. Sometimes you feel blissful, and sometimes you are yelling expliatives at Elena Brower during a Yogaglo webcast while she makes you hold ardha chandrasana for a thousand years. Such is life.

Yoga is not not a magical cure-all. Just like any effort that fosters growth and transformation, it is not easy.  It's not supposed to be easy. The poses are just poses - if you want yoga to change your life, you have to do the work.

Work is ridiculous

So, I've started re-watching the X-Files with Ben.  Just to give you some context, I was mildly obsessed with the X-Files in middle and high school.  And by 'mildly obsessed' I mean I put X's on all of the file cabinets in my parents' home office, and made my parents take us to Roswell New Mexico as part of a family vacation.  So, that was a thing that happened.

Anyway, this has led me to the amazing and slightly insane world of X-Files Tumblrs, which has in turn led me to this:


source

And also this:



source

I'd forgotten how much I love that show.  Moving on...

So work.  Occasionally when you work for a company that is literally the size of a small country, you realize that nobody really knows what anyone else is doing, or even what they themselves are doing.  When you encounter this in the normal course of doing your job, it sometimes makes you want to sink into a hole of infinite despair from which you will never emerge.

The following story is based on true events - and by based on, I mean they actually are true events.  To avoid discussing the exact nature of the project, I have changed the names of people involved to the names of my pets, and made the entire thing an analogy about pie.  It will still make sense, I promise.  Maybe.

For reasons of...a story that is too long and boring to be repeated in this blog, I recently offered my assistance to another team's project.  Basically they needed some extra manpower, their project is related to my area of expertise and I decided to be helpful.  Let's call this project "Pies."  Essentially, I am documenting how all of the pies are made -ingredients, baking temperature, process, etc, so we can prioritize them for baking.  If I realize a pie is terrible and/or expensive to make, or no one likes it, then we de-prioritize the pie.  If the pie is pretty good, then I will thoroughly document the 'recipe' for said pie(shockingly, this documentation does not already exist...I know...).

Guiding me in my efforts is a spreadsheet made about one year ago, by someone who is no longer with the organization.  It lists the name of the pie, a couple of generic facts about the pie, and the approximate number of people who eat that pie on a yearly basis.

Most of the time, this is not an issue.  I can usually track down at least one person involved in the makiing of the pie in question, that person helps me track down everyone else, and after a few hours of conversation we are good to go.  Sometimes the pie is very complex and we run into difficulties, but basically everyone is on the same page and knows what everyone else is talking about.

Well.

Last week I began working on...let's call it the Pumpkin Pie...and this is what happened.

I wrote to a colleague, let's call her 'Maggie', whose name had been given to me in conjunction with the Pumpkin Pie.  At first she was confused and thought I was talking about a different pumpkin pie.  I tried to describe the pie using the vague descriptors I had been given, and finally she said "Oh, sure the Pumpkin Pie!  Now I know what you're talking about.  You'll want to talk to Sidney and Mini."

So I set up a call with Sidney and Mini, feeling like I was on the right track. 

Nope.

Here's how that conversation went:
Me: So, I need to learn how the Pumpkin Pie is made, and Maggie gave me your names in connection with the pie.
Sidney: ...what is the pumpkin pie?
Me:  Um...well...it is a pie...made of pumpkin.  It's um, roundish, and it has a crust...
Mini: What kind of crust?  Whole wheat or white?
Sidney: Do you know what the ingredients are?  Is there cinnamon, or nutmeg?
Me: I have no idea.  That's why I set up this call, I was hoping you could tell me.
Mini: Is this the pecan pumpkin pie, or the pumpkin cream cheese pie?
Me:...there's more than one kind?

We went on like this for almost 30 minutes before I realized I was going to have to go back to Maggie for more information.  So, I emailed her again.

"Hey Maggie," I said.  "I met with Sidney and Mini regarding the Pumpkin Pie, and they need more context.  Do you know what kind of crust is used?  Does the name 'Pumpkin Pie' encompass all pies made from pumpkin, or does it refer to a specific type?"

I was very careful to repeat Sidney and Mini's questions verbatim, because sometimes if I try to paraphrase without really understanding what I'm talking about, I end up asking a question that makes no sense. 

Two days go by, no response from Maggie.  So I email her again, just to follow up on my previous note.

Another day goes by.  Finally, I get an IM from my colleague Sierra, who sits near Maggie.

"Maggie does not understand your question."

I actually facepalmed.

I did follow back up with Maggie, only to find out that when she said "Now I know what you're talking about," she did not, in fact, have any idea what I was talking about.  Basically, we are all working on the Pumpkin Pie because it ended up on a spreadsheet 12 months ago, and was somehow prioritized despite the fact that nobody knows what it actually is.  We soon realized that the Pumpkin Pie does not actually exist.

What even....I can't.  I just cannot.

Anywhoo - in my continuing efforts to bite off way more than I can chew, I decided to join both Christina Sell's Asana Junkies Practice club, and also a book club on Goodreads that's reading Proust's In Search of Lost Time in its entirety.  Obviously I am not going to give up my other books, or my other yoga classes, so 2013 should prove to be an interesting year.

Holiday Recap Part 1!

Happy 2013 everyone!  Right now, I'm curled up on my couch with a cupcake, my dog and some cheesy TV shows while Ben is out with co-workers and I have a rare night to myself.  I guess I have a lot to catch up on, since apparently I haven't blogged in over a month...oops...

Without further ado...here we go!

A few weeks ago, we have our first snowfall of the season and it was a doozy - at least a foot and a half of white stuff covering the ground, keeping the riff raff off the streets.  Well, most of the riff raff at least.  Ben and I decided to take Sidney out for a walk in the middle of the blizzard, and Sidney in the snow is always entertaining.  Observe:

Pleaz for 2 run??

Rabbit ears :)

Favorite

The weekend of the 15th, my parents and I flew to Chicago to visit my sister as she finished up her first semester of grad school!  We had three days of fun galavanting about the city, and I even got to see a few old friends.  I met up with my friend Katie and some of her Chicago friends for dinner at Owen and Engine, where I had a scotch and the greatest hamburger of my life.

Afterwards, we went to see The Hobbit starring my fave Martin Freeman!  Unfortunately, the movie didn't quite live up to my *extremely* high expectations.  I won't go into too much detail because I have an entire blog post planned on the subject, but for now I'll just say that even though I love Martin Freeman, and I love LOTR, The Hobbit had some serious flaws.  But it was still enjoyable and we had a great time!

Dinner after arriving in the city

Chicago Christmas Market!

Also Christmas Market

Dinner with the fam at the Walnut Room

Owen and Engine - where I had dinner with Katie and some of her Chicago friends.
HIGHLY recommended.
Obviously I ordered a scotch.

The Hobbit!  Yay Martin Freeman

My absolute favorite part of the holidays is the arrival of out of town friends!  My friend Ellen flew home from Stanford for Christmas and we got to spend some quality time catching up and watching Harry Potter movies.  We also attended a fun party at Tessa's parents' house - last year my camera erased all of my pics from Tessa's party, forcing me to recreate them using stick figures, but this year I have actual photos!

Julianna, me and El - slightly blurry

Also, this happened

Delicious treats

friendly friends

Lovely cookies from Patisserie 46

Yay friends

Well, I'll leave it there for now and hopefully do some more catching up in a couple of days.  Hope you all had a wonderful holiday(s)!

Thanksgiving in a Nutshell

I don't know about you all, but my Thanksgiving was busy, wonderful, and filled with delicious food and friends/family.  Last year, when my mom had to unexpectedly fly out to Montana over Thanksgiving to be with my Grandmother, my dad sister were left in the lurch so they decided to join me and Ben at Ben's family Thanksgiving.  Everyone had such a great time that we decided to repeat the whole thing this year (including my mom this time)!  Yes, my inlaws are awesome and our families get along great.  It's amazing.

We joined Ben's parents and brother Simon, his aut Joan and uncle Dan, and grandparents Bud and Loey at Joan and Dan's home for food and drinks, and general merriment.  Ben and I took dessert duty again, and as usual I just had to make things way more complicated than they needed to be.  Instead of making three pies like a normal person, I decided to make a layer cake, a chocolate tart, and a crumble.  The crumble was gluten free for Ben's grandmother who suffers from celiacs.  I know.

On Wednesday night, I prepped the tart crust and made the cake part of the cake.  On Thanksgiving morning, I got up early and went for a 6-mile run and a hot vinyasa class to prepare the way for all of the food, and then got back in the kitchen around 10:30 to finish off the icing, tart filling, and crumble.

Pumpkin cake with salted caramel frosting and chocolate ganace - before the final frosting

Gluten free gingersnap cookies for Smitten Kitchen's pear, cranberry and gingersnap crumble



Dorie Greenspan's chocolate banana tart, with a secret Nutella layer at the bottom ;)



Once we were through with our baking extravaganza, we loaded all of the desserts and the dog into the car and took off.  What had been a very mild morning (perfect for a long-ish run) turned into a windy afternoon spattered with freezing rain.  We were glad to arrive at a warm, cozy house, lots of delicious appetizers, and drinks already poured!

Fruits!

Festive table decor

When it came time to load up on the main meal, I did not hold back.  This is plate 1 of 2, btw.  Joan made peas with cranberries and orange zest, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, squash with spiced apples, and of course turkey - and my dad brought his famous stuffing. 

We made the mistake of giving Sid a bite of turkey - which went over fine last year, but this year did not seem to sit too well in his digestive system :/  Let's just say Ben was up a couple of times during the night...

 Turkey plz??!?? I will not puke, I promise...

Men's mom and grandmother

Julianna and SIDNEY, with the two dads engrossed in some riveting dialog in the background

Brothers on the phone with out-of-town relatives

All the siblings!

The day after Thanksgiving was...the day after Thanksgiving.  Meaning, it is now socially acceptable to begin bombarding your home with holiday decor.  I put up the tree, and Ben put up some lights in the dining room and the hallway, and by mid-afternoon our home was looking downright festive!

In one of the great mysteries of life, the same exact number of light strings that covered the tree perfectly last year, fell woefully short this time around.  Luckily the CVS across the street came through in a pinch. 

Our tree topper is Hedwig.  It's pretty much the greatest thing ever.

Mini tried to help...or her version of helping, which mostly includes breaking things and hiding in boxes

Ben at work in the dining room

Ta da!

Hallway lights

On Friday night, Ben and I, along with several of my girlfriends, met up with our friend Katie and her boyfriend Jake at Marvel bar in Minneapolis!  Katie and Jake live in Chicago and were in town for a limited Thanksgiving engagement so we were excited to see them.

Emily, Katie, me and Amanda

While the drinks at Marvel Bar all looked delicious, someone was clearly reading my mind when they created The Islay Old Fashioned - an old fashioned made with Laphroig.  What manner of sorcery is this?!  I'm not sure, but I think I want more of it.

Plus a classy giant ice cube for good measure

The gents - Ben and Jake

The ladies again, plus Tessa and minus Emily

This last photo is from brunch with my parents at Keys in White Bear Lake - only included because a) Ben is adorable and b) the bejazzled red curtains in the background.  These are apparently up year-round...excellent.

Finally it's Friday!  Today my team had a 4.5 hour working session...it was productive but long, and we were digging into some complex issues so there were times when all our heads were ready to explode.  Shots of (rum-free) egg nog may or may not have been taken.  Hotel California may or may not have played on repeat for the better part of an hour.  I can neither confirm nor deny these occurances.  The truth is out there.

Good thing it's Friday because my mind is clearly gone :)  Have a great weekend!

Google Maps is probably trying to kill me

Yesterday afternoon, a few of my co-workers and I did a volunteer shift at Second Harvest Heartland.  Being the planful person that I am, I decided to print of directions both from work to Second Harvest, and from Second Harvest to my house.  This was not necessary, as it turns out, because Second Harvest is actually about 2 seconds from work, so driving home from their building was almost exactly the same as driving home from the office.

Better to be safe than sorry right?

Maybe.  So, I've encountered situations where Google Maps was slightly off in its directions (asking me to turn on a road that does not appear to exist, telling me to continue straight through what is clearly a dead end) but this time I actually did a double take.  I read over the directions a few times before concluding that yes, Google Maps had in fact just instructed me to make a U Turn on I-94.

I shit you not.  Please refer to visual evidence below.  If you live in the Twin Cities, you will notice that these directions make NO SENSE.

Exhibit A



 Curious, I zoomed in on the exact spot of the alleged U-Turn - right after you cross the river, somewhere between the Riverside and Cretin/Vandalia exits.  There is no possible way this could happen without crashing through a cement barrier and across several lanes of traffic.  Then, after making a 180 degree turn, I am somehow supposed to continue in the same direction I was already going, defying the laws of physics and and obliterating the time-space continuum.  West is east.  Down is up.  Nothing makes sense anymore after GOOGLE MAPS ASKS YOU TO MAKE A U-TURN ON THE DAMN INTERSTATE.

Not only is this highly illegal, I also would most likely die.  There are only two possible explanations for this nonsense:

1) Google Maps thinks I am actually James Bond
2) The internet has finally developed consciousness and is trying to kill us all

Luckily for humankind, I am not a lemming who blindly follows all instructions given to me by the interwebs.  I continued driving straight on the highway when my directions instructed me to do otherwise, and in a shocking conclusion I still ended up at my house.

In other news, it is now after November 15 - therefore, it is acceptable to start breaking out the holiday decorations.  I made no less than 3 trips to Pottery Barn on Sunday, and now our dining room table looks like this:

Why so many trips?  Well, one to scope out the goods and to mentally assess the damage against the budget I had made in my head.  A second one to buy stuff - and then I found myself wishing there was a 3rd height of candleholder, so I trekked down to Pier 1 to see if they had a shorter version.  They did - however, the circumfrence of the PB candleswas too large for the Pier 1 candleholders.  Sneaky retail bastards.  I see what you did there.

Anyway, I had to go back and get two more candleholders.

In other other news, wine and pasta are both delicious, and Salut is very dark inside.



I am working from home tomorrow, and have Thursday and Friday off - so it is almost time for the Thanksgiving baking to commence!  Ben and I are in charge of Dessert again and I have pumpkin layer cake, banana chocolate tart, and apple crisp on the docket for this year.  Overly ambitious?  Maybe.  Worth the effort?  Definitely.

Have a wonderful holiday weekend!

Autumnal Things

I've been admonished by several individuals for not blogging lately.  It is apparently how people "stalk" me "from afar" so I truly and deeply apologize for letting all the creepy stalkers down.

I feel like lately every entry is me apologizing for not blogging...it's a vicious cycle.  I apologize for sucking, promise to write more often, then inevetably I do not write more often and have to apologize all over again.  Bleh. 

After thinking long and hard about this while brushing my teeth at work today, I have identified the following reasons why I am not writing as often:

1. Stress.  I know this is such a lame answer but there has been a LOT going on lately.  I hope to write more about the stress at some point, because there are pertinent points to be made about life and yoga and whatnot, but it might be a couple/few weeks before that happens.
2. I hate computers.  Now that I spend the vast majority of my day staring at a computer screen, the last thing I want to do after work is stare at a computer screen even more.  It was all fine in grad school, when I was staring at my professor while also having side convos with my classmates, but now...by the end of the day I am computer-screened out.
3. I'm a little unsure as to the direction of this blog.  Not that I really feel like it needs a direction, but I started this as mainly a food/recipe blog and have since become too lazy to write down and post my recipes.  I'll still try to post when the inspiration strikes, but honestly I think the real recipe creation is better left to the experts.  As a result, this will probably never happen again.  You're welcome.
4. ...life.  I work 45+ hours a week, and when you add in yoga (5ish hours) running (2-3 hours), cooking, cleaning, spending quality time with friends and husband, there is just much time left for writing.

All of that being said, I really, really love writing.  My job basically requires me to communicate in bullet points, and having a blog motivates me to occasionally throw down a few complete sentences.  THROW IT DOWN.

OK I am clearly delirious.

I've learned some things lately, about life:

Thing 1 that I have learned:  Sometimes when you accidentally stick your neck out where it doesn't belong, good things happen.  I'm not really a self-promoter.  At all.  My single, recurring piece of 'constructive' feedback on my last performance review was that I need to be more assertive. Duh - this is not news to me. In the rare case when I do overstep my boundaries it is usually by accident.  This happened recently, and good things came out of it.  So I'm thinking I need to accidentally show up where I don't belong more often.

Thing 2 that I have learned: I need to get a damn handle on my existential crises.  The speed with which I go from "I don't understand this data" to "WHY IS LIFE??!??" is sort of alarming.  The thought process goes like so:

• Can't understand the data in this damn spreadsheet after 10 seconds
• Obviously this means that I fail at everything
• My contributions are meaningless
• How does this spreadsheet matter, in the grand scheme of all the things?
• This spreadsheet is meaningless
• What am I doing
• WHAT IS LIFE WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF ANYTHING EVER WHYYYYY

This all takes place in the span of about 2.5 seconds, and then poor Ben has to deal with it when I come home from work and start rambling about my purpose in the universe while simultaneously trying to cut up a butternut squash. I  imagine that my holding a huge, sharp knife is not too comforting in this situation.  Anyways, this is meant to be funny, not to make you feel bad for me.  Spreadsheets ---> existential crisis.  This is the way of the world.

WOW.  We have gone down a path here.  This is not what I intended to write about at all.

Whatever.

Here are some pretty photos of autumn in St Paul.  A couple of weekends ago we had one of those perfect, mistly fall weekends so obviously I took pictures.  Oh, also I finally bought a new battery charger for the DSLR (the old one vanished on one of my many travels this spring/summer) so expect photo quality to improve drastically in the near future.

Also this browser is the worst and will not let me change the size of my photos.  I'll fix them later but for now, all of these pictures are going to appear annoyingly huge.  Deal with it.


This is when they tore the street up and we couldn't park in front of our house for several days.  It was lovely



Either ghosts or Sherlock Holmes should probably appear at this point



Pretty Colors

 Also, this little gem just opened up down the block from us.  Macaroons are basically impossible for me to resist and now that they are 2 seconds from my home, I'm not really sure what will happen.






...and here is a random shot of my family having dinner at Everest on Grand - probably my favorite neighborhood dinner spot.




I am also proud to announce that I have gotten my parents hopelessly addicted to BBC Sherlock.  It's kind of adorable yet also somewhat terrifying.  The most terrifying thing is probably that Series 3 won't air for another year, so I have to endure 12 months of listening to my dad 'predicting' how the cliffhanger will resolve.  Awesome.

That is all for now.  See you again soon I promise!!