Life. Love. Photos.

I can't believe it's been a whole year since Ben and I moved into our current home in St Paul! I also can't believe that last year at this time it was 80 degrees, and today it is 45.  Womp womp.

Anywhoo...this week is kind of insane, with the easter holidays, my sis is in town (yay!!), many choir-related activities and family times. I have rehearsal in 30 minutes, I just got back from a 3 mile run, and need to finish up some work and eat dinner first sooo...here are some photos from the past year to entertain you.

My life is pretty damn awesome. It's easy to lose sight of this in the day-to-day craziness. I try to remind myself as often as I can - it's the little things.

Last spring - with the pup in our (then) new place

Introducing my lovely husband to GOOD margs at La Cuc :)

Where the Hell is Roscoe!??!

Random stove in the backyard. NBD.

This is a sunrise

This is a bottle of scotch. And my RSA token.

Some tea and a book :)

Cat

...the end!!

The universe took my car keys

“All the powers in the universe are already ours. It is we who have put our hands before our eyes and cry that it is dark.” - Swami Vivekananda

Life has a funny way of getting us to where we need to be. Remember when you were little and your parents prevented you from making stupid decisions? Like telling you you can't order that third roast beef sandwich at Arby's because it will probably make you puke, or taking take your book away because even through you think we can read while crossing a busy street, they know you will probably die.

(Just me?

Yep. Probably just me. )

When we're little, we don't always have the reasoning skills to understand the difference between what we want and what we need, so our parents make them for us. We might hate them at the time, but later we look back and think "OK that was probably the right call."

A few months ago, I thought I wanted something. I went after it. It didn't work out. I was upset, but part of me also knew that deep down it didn't feel right. The timing was wrong, the direction was wrong, and my motivations were wrong. I was making a decision based on a lot of raw and negative emotion.  I just wanted to get out of the pose because the pose was hard and shitty and I didn't know when the timer would go off, or if it ever would. Basically I was trying to drunk-drive my life and the universe went 'NOPE. Girl you are in no condition.'

So I stayed in the pose. I decided to really commit and be present, and give 100% to being where I was and suddenly everything transformed. Remember that post I wrote a few weeks ago about not giving up on something just because it's hard? Well I suck at taking my own advice. As it turns out, I was already exactly where I needed to be.Thanks Universe.

My mom is from Montana, so I listened to a lot of country music growing up. Lately I can't stop thinking about this Garth Brooks song called "Unanswered Prayers". It's about a guy who goes to a high school reunion with his wife and runs into his old girlfriend. He thinks about how much he wanted her back in the day, how hard he prayed that they would be together, and ultimately how thankful he is that things didn't work out because if they had, he never would have met his wife.

Sometimes I thank God, for unanswered prayers
Remember when you’re talkin’ to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care
Some of God’s greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers.

Or, put another way:

Oh, you can't always get what you want

But if you try sometimes you just might find

You get what you need

The last few weeks have been one of the most simultaneously humbling and inspiring times of my entire life. So far, 2013 has been one big lesson in what can happen if you just let go of expectations and commit to being where you are.

source

Read All the Things

As I'm sure you are aware, I am a huge nerd and I love to read books. I started reading at a very young age, and just didn't stop. I would read while walking down the street (much to the concern of my parents). I read in class (much to the dismay of my teachers, especially when they called on me because they thought I wasn't paying attention and called on me, only to have me spout off a correct answer. I'm not sure my ability to multitask is a good thing necessarily). I would eagerly await the delivery of a new book from our school's Scholastic delivery program (anyone else remember this...?), only to devour it halfway during the ride home from school, and the other half sitting in the stairwell because I couldn't put it down for even one second.

Hence my currently being in three book clubs. Luckily, one of these book clubs (my work book club) keeps picking books I've already read which is fine with me at this point.

Anyway, I came across this reading survey on Tumblr and thought it was fun and that I should fill it out because I love the books.

But first, sidebar.

Did you know that Gillian Anderson was offered the part of Lady Cora Crawley in Downton Abbey? And that she TURNED IT DOWN??!  My heart is so sad you guys. I mean, Elizabeth McGovern is...fine I guess...but how bad ass



...it hurts too much, I can't think about it.

Moving on.

55 Reading Questions

(poached from Tumblr)

1. Favorite childhood book?

• Dealing with Dragons by Patricia C. Wrede - still one of my favorites actually.  Cimorene is a princess who is tired of being a princess, and runs away to live with dragons. I love how Wrede plays with standard fairytale tropes, and this book was a true inspiration to a girl who would rather have taken barbies on 'safaris' through the backyard than watch them lounge in their dream house all day

2. What are you reading right now?

• The second volume of In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust

3. What books do you have on request at the library?

• Tell the Wolves I'm Home has been on request for eeeeeeeeverrrrrrrrrrr.

4. Bad book habit?

• Probably buying too many books and then not having time to read them

5. What do you currently have checked out at the library?

• Nada

6. Do you have an e-reader?

• No. The luddite in me refuses to purchase such things. Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of not having to carry several paperbacks with me every time I go on vacation, but I just love having books. I love looking at them on the shelf, flipping through the pages to find passages I underlined. Nope.

7. Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or several at once?

• I definitely prefer one at a time so I can be completely immersed in that world.

8. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog?

• Not sure this question is relevant to me. No, not at all.

9. Least favourite book you read this year (so far)?

• I haven't read anything this year that I disliked.

10. Favorite book you’ve read this year?

• Hmmm...probably Swann's Way actually

11. How often do you read out of your comfort zone?

• Haha good question. My comfort zone is very broad. I love everything from classics, to YA lit, to sci fi, fantasy, contemporary lit and everything in between. The only thing I don't reach for as often is non-fiction, but I wouldn't say that is necessarily because it's outside of my comfort zone, it's just not the first thing I tend to reach for. One of my all-time favorite books is non-fiction.

12. What is your reading comfort zone?

• See above. I honestly don't know that I have one.

13. Can you read on the bus?

• Well, I don't take the bus anymore since it isn't really convenient to home or work. I did take the bus to school when I was in my grad program, and I read on the bus all the time.

14. Favorite place to read?

• On the living room couch, or a coffee shop if I can find a comfy chair.

15. What is your policy on book lending?

• I'll absolutely lend books, but if someone loses it/fails to return it/destroys it then they lose their borrowing privileges. I've never actually had this happen though.

16. Do you ever dog-ear books?

• Not really. I tend to underline more than dog-ear.

17. Do you ever write in the margins of your books?

• All the damn time.

18. Not even with text books?

• See above.

19. What is your favourite language to read in?

• English, which is the only language I speak fluently at the moment. I used to be fairly fluent in German and would read in German at that time, but I've kind of gone lax on my Deutsch skillz.

20. What makes you love a book?

• How drawn into it I get. The beauty of the prose. The depth of the characters. How the book makes me feel. If it can make me feel deeply and it's beautifully written, I'm pretty much in. It's a very visceral thing for me, if I love a book, I love it deeply and despite its flaws.

21. What will inspire you to recommend a book?

• Hmm, this is a tricky one. I actually tend not to recommend books I hold too close to the chest, unless I really trust the person I'm recommending it to. I'm afraid someone will ruin the magic, especially if it's a book that might not be for everyone, or if it's not necessarily the greatest work of literature ever but I love it anyway. I'll usually recommend a book if while reading it, I think 'wow, so-and-so would LOVE this' and it's somewhat independent of my own feelings about the book.

22. Favorite genre?

• All.

23. Genre you rarely read (but wish you did)?

• I kind of wish I had the initative to read more non-fiction.

24. Favourite biography?

• Wagner and Philosophy by Bryan MaGee is fantastic. It's not necessarily a biography, more an exploration of the ways in which philosophy influenced Wagner's work, and how his views changed and developed over time. It also explores Wagner's relationship with Nietzsche which is friggin fascinating.

25. Have you ever read a self-help book?

• Nope

26. Favourite cookbook?

• The ones I go back to over and over are anything by Heidi Swanson, and So Easy by Ellie Krieger. I never thought a book by a FN chef would be one of my favorites, but there are some winners in that book.

27. Most inspirational book you’ve read this year (fiction or non-fiction)?

• Inspirational? Honestly I'm not sure. I've been immersed in BKS Iyengar's Light on Yoga lately, which is pretty damn inspirational actually.

28. Favorite reading snack?

• I don't snack a ton while reading - all I need is a good cup of tea, and maybe a cookie if I'm feeling peckish :)

29. Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience.

• I hate to say it but, Gone Girl. I heard all these things about how OMGAMAZEBALLS it was, and I expected it to blow me away and it just...didn't. Don't get me wrong, it was very good and I enjoyed it but I wish I'd read it without hearing all the hype, so I could absorb it without expectations.

30. How often do you agree with critics about a book?

• I don't read critical reviews too often. I tend to avoid them until way after I've had time to digest the book.

31. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews?

• Oh I have absolutely no problem with it. If I dislike something I will be very blunt, but it doesn't really happen that often.

32. If you could read in a foreign language, which language would you chose?

• French - so I could read Proust and Hugo in the original language :)

33. Most intimidating book you’ve ever read?

• I tend not to be intimidated by books. Well, except for really dense philosophy. I was fairly intimidated by Kant when I read him in college.

34. Most intimidating book you’re too nervous to begin?

• Again, I tend not to be intimidated by books.

35. Favorite Poet?

• I'm not a huge poetry person but I do love T.S. Eliot, Walt Whitman and Octavio Paz.

36. How many books do you usually have checked out of the library at any given time?

• One or two

37. How often have you returned books to the library unread?

• Never

38. Favorite fictional character?

• Hermione Granger

39. Favourite fictional villain?

• Iago

40. Books I’m most likely to bring on vacation?

• Well, on my last vacation I brought two fantasy novels by Patrick Rothfuss and 1Q84. On our honeymoon I took Treasure Island, The Girl who Kicked the Hornets Nest, Kafka on the Shore, Love in the Time of Cholera and The Toilers of the Sea. So...you know. Anything.

41. The longest I’ve gone without reading.

• haha

42. Name a book that you could/would not finish.

• Then We Came to the End. I just was not feeling it at ALL. You only have so many hours in your life to read, and I don't think there is any point in wasting them on books you don't like. I also refused to finish the Twilight series.

43. What distracts you easily when you’re reading?

• The internet. My cat.

44. Favorite film adaptation of a novel?

• The Lord of the Rings is quite excellent actually. And Sense and Sensibility with Emma Thompson, Kate Winslet, Alan Rickman etc.

45. Most disappointing film adaptation?

• The Time Traveller's Wife. Goddddd it was terrible.

46. The most money I’ve ever spent in the bookstore at one time?

• I...do not know?

47. How often do you skim a book before reading it?

• Hardly ever. I usually just dive right in.

48. What would cause you to stop reading a book half-way through?

• If I get too busy and then forget where I stopped. Or if I'm just really not feeling it and decide my time would be better spent reading something else.

49. Do you like to keep your books organized?

• Yes I keep my books categorized by genre and then alphabetized. Shut up.

50. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once you’ve read them?

• Keep them if I would ever plan to read them again.

51. Are there any books you’ve been avoiding?

• Not really.

52. Name a book that made you angry.

• A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. It was just so whiny, and it's a shame because Dave Eggers is a really great writer (see What is the What). Vomit.

53. A book you didn’t expect to like but did?

• The Casual Vacancy. My expectations were not super high but I really liked it!

54. A book that you expected to like but didn’t?

• Matched by Allie Condie. I really thought it would be a good bit of entertaining, YA dystopian lit but it was pretty bland. Boring characters, story ripped straight from The Giver. Not impressed.

55. Favorite guilt-free, pleasure reading?

• YA fantasy. I've really been loving Marissa Meyer's Lunar Chronicles, Colin Meloy's Wildwood books and the Daughter of Smoke and Bone series by Lani Taylor. I also re-read all of Madeline L'Engle's Time quartet recently, and have been meaning to give The Enchanted Forest Chronicles (see question1) another go-round.

And I know what time it is now

Hey, welcome to my first post in approximately forever.  A combination of trying to stay caught up in Asana Junkies and various book clubs, plus working one billion hours a week has kept me off the interwebs.  I also gracefully tripped over a box next to my desk this morning, so, aces all around.

Anyway, two weeks ago I turned 30! When I was in my early/mid twenties, getting older was terrifying.  I remember feeling OLD when I turned 24.  Like, really old.  I was convinced that I was past my prime or something. Fast forward six years and I could not care any less that I'm turning 30.  I'm pretty sure yoga is responsible.  For one thing, yoga has gently forced me to become more accepting of myself in general, but in addition, it's introduced me to amazing, beautiful women of all ages. Being 30 does not have to mean I am suddenly old, married and boring. I can and will have just as much going for me when I am 35, 40, 50 and beyond. Age truly is just a number.

I was lucky enough to spend my birthday weekend in Chicago with my sister, my husband and a handful of my dearest friends.  Kristin and Katie live there already, and RT and Linz flew in from Boston and the bay area, respectively. 

Ben and I took Friday off from work, and drove down to Chicago on Friday. Julianna met us at a coffee shop after she'd finished up for the day, I changed out of my road-trip clothes (aka yoga pants) and we headed to Wicker Park to meet up with Kristin, Amanda, RT and Katie at Violet Hour.  After hearing stories of horrendous lines, we opted for pre-dinner cocktails and arrived at 6pm sharp, with plans to get pizza and beer at nearby Piece afterwards.  Fortunately, we avoided a wait at VH!  Unfortunately, we took our time with drinks and by the time we got to Piece, they had a two hour wait.  Fortunately, the time at VH was well spent catching up over cocktails, and there's nothing like a speedily made burrito to solve all hunger problems. 

After our south-of-the-border adventure, we traveled back to Kristin's place with two bottles of wine and several cupcakes from Molly's Cupcakes.  After a few ridiculous Youtube videos, in-depth conversations about the state of our education system ensued and I was reminded of some of the many reasons why I love, love, love my friends.  (You can take the nerds out of the liberal arts college, but...etc)

Saturday was a day of many adventures. Julianna had discovered brunch spot Bakin and Eggs a few weeks prior, so we decided to all meet there at 10:30 for some delicious meat products. We were all pretty hungry already when we arrived, and Ben and I started drooling over the flight of bacon, which is exactly what it sounds like.  Unfortunately, just as we were about to place our order, our server informed us that they were having a "plumbing emergency" and everyone would have to leave. At first I thought this was some sort of cruel joke. It wasn't, but we did get free muffins.

We immediately began strategizing around where to go next. Amanda and Katie had driven, but Ben, RT, Julianna and I had all taken the bus, so in order to get to our next destination as a group we all had to pile into Katie's Toyota Echo. I'm fairly certain this is not legal.

At first it seemed like we would probably never eat again.  If you think this is overly dramatic, try driving around Chicago at 11am on an empty stomach after a night of drinking, no coffee in your system, and repeatedly being told you will have to wait 2+ hours for food.

But finally - M. Henry to the rescue!  M. Henry is one of my favorite brunch spots in all of Chicago, and miraculously there was *no wait.*  I have no idea how this worked out, but it was clearly meant to be.

After brunch, RT and I took the bus downtown to meet Linz at her hotel. Of course we got lost for about 15 minutes. But, we found our way there eventually and had a dramatic and tearful reunion. Back at Julianna's place, we did what any sane people would do - enact dramatic readings from Julianna's psych textbooks, the bible, Cosmo, and Maya Angelou, with Kenny G playing in the background.

We all met up again for dinner at Wakamono, a great sushi place that's close to both my sister's place and Kristin's in Lakeview.  While we were on our first round of drinks, someone - I can't remember who anymore - decided that my friends would all go around the table and name one thing they love about me. It made me cry!! Somehow it was determined that there would be three rounds of love, and I forced them to give the last one to me, so I could throw some love back at my friends.

After dinner we cabbed it over to Old Town, with high hopes for pop rock martinis at Suite Lounge...only to find that Suite Lounge was completely booked with private parties.  This marked the third and final time we tried to eat or drink somewhere and were unable to. 

At this point we were outside, and it was freezing cold so we snuck into a bank/ATM situation and hit up the Google to figure out where we could drink that was reasonably close by.  We found a place about a mile away that looked promising, and walked there (the longest mile EVER.  it was really, really cold) only to find that it was boring and full of douchebags.  Womp womp.

But it seemed like a total waste not to have a drink at the douchebag bar since we had walked across all of Siberia to get there, so we had a cocktail and discussed where to go next.

Luckily, Julianna remembered a dive bar near her place called Friar Tuck, which she described it as "the kind of place where you make your own fun." If you know me at all, you will know that this is my kind of place.  Off we went. What followed was a succession of jukebox magic, singing, and general shenanigans so wonderful that I will remember (most of) it for the rest of time. 

After Friar Tuck, we went next door for nachos because what else are you going to do at that point.  We finally had round 3 of the "I love you" game, which at that point was pretty much me yelling "I LOVE YOU YOU ARE AMAZING" at all of my friends, in a super tiny and sketchy mexican restaurant occuped by us and maybe two other people. It was...special. I had grand visions of yoga at 8:30 but by the time we got back to Julianna's place on Saturday night it was clear that was not going to happen.

The next morning we had brunch at Ann Sathers, and drove back to Minneapolis.    It was a total whirlwind weekend, but we all had a great time.  I am so blessed to have such amazing friends - especially friends who are willing to congregate for a random weekend in Chicago in the middle of winter.



Reunion at Violet Hour



Ordering fancy drinks

chandelier = classy

I always wanted to go snorkeling with a cupcake...now I know I should not do this

When given the option, sprinkles in your coffee is always a good idea

At Bakin and Eggs, hungry and hopeful

The flight of bacon, which sadly never arrived :(

Unaware of impending sewage doom at Bakin and Eggs

Katie's car = clown car



M. Henry to the rescue!





Linz arrives!




J and I, ready to hit the town




J and Amanda at Wakamono




Sushi!




Side-eye from RT



Bottles of wine as big as your leg at Wallgreens!

yep.

Found a friend for Trixie!

Peacing out from the douchebag bar

Bringing the classiness to Friar Tuck's

More classiness

Not quite as classy

This is probably when things started to go downhill

The whole bar sang happy birthday to me...which was embarassing...

Friar Tuck has a birthday tradition involving an inflatable sheep

posing with my sheep friend

nope...that's not how it works....



WHAT UP, BROS



Amanda and Katie

Adorable

Again with the classy

The end!!

Hope you are all doing well!  I really am trying to get back to more regular posting but work and other commitments are making it difficult...so we'll see what happens :)  It's my goal anyway.

Hey there, 2013

We're less than 2 months into the new year and, true to form, I've already overcommitted myself and am behind on everything. 

• Joined the Asana Junkies Practice Club led by Christina Sell (which I wrote about last week).  At least 4 hours every week if you include the webinar and the full practice sequence.  I'm caught up on the webinar but am about 2 weeks behind in the sequences.  It's fine.
• I am now in 3 book clubs, one of which I started.  And another one of which is reading this over the course of the year.  It's absolutely amazing...and unsurprisingly, I am about 75 pages behind.
• I may or may not have said I'd run a half-marathon in June?  I ended up at a Team in Training info session and next thing I knew I had signed up with my email and was looking at training plans.  Sooooo....we shall see.  It's for a great cause.

Honestly though, It's hard to think of a time in my life when I wasn't vastly overcommitted.  I just love doing things.  I especially love doing things in groups or teams, probably because I thrive on that sense of community, solidarity and shared experience.  Plus, doing things as part of a larger movement often gives me the kick in the pants to try something I might have been reluctant to do on my own - such as run a half marathon or read squintillions of pages of Proust within a confined timeframe.

Life is short.  Do all the things.

In a related story, I found these awesome cabled fingerless gloves on Etsy and am now determined to knit myself another pair.  I wear them when I work from home, because I refuse to turn up the heat until evening.  Ridiculous?  Maybe.  Frugal?  Hopefully.

I also found this lovely "Year in Review" survey on Katie's blog a while back, and because I love lists and surveys and such things, I'll go ahead and fill it out.

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?
I ran my fist official race in June!  I'm still not sure how I got talked into that one, but along the way I also discovered that I don't hate running, so...A+

And I finally traded in my faithful Vokswagen, the only car I'd ever owned, for a brand spanking new Honda Accord.  The VW was paid off long ago, and having a car payment is a painful reminder of the realities of adulthood.

2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make New Years resolutions ever.  I figure if I want to change something, I should just change it now and not wait until the new year.  So that should also answer the second quesiton :)

Well...OK I'm going to make an exception.  This isn't so much a resolution as a goal, but I want to develop a better, more consistent home yoga practice.  I have a feeling this will be a perpetual goal...

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A couple of college and grad school friends - Carina and Evan

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully no

5. What places did you visit?
San Francisco/Berkeley/Oakland, Boston and Montana (x2)


6.What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
...a more consistent home yoga practice (see Q2...)

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched in your memory, and why?
Hmmm...hard to say?  August 20 was the day I started my new role at work, so that was kind of a big one.  June 30 was the day I ran my first race.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Celebrating 1 year of marriage with my amazing husband/partner in crime :)

There were also a couple of work projects I was pretty proud of - plus I got myself into good enough running shape that I can now do 7/8 mile runs at a decent pace.  Honestly, I never thought I would be able to run more than 3-4 miles, so I'm pretty happy with this accomplishment.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I'm not sure this is a "failure" per se - but on the flipside of my positive changes at work, there were a lot of really difficult times this year and I'm not sure I always handled them as skillfully as I could have.  The company I work for went through several rounds of layoffs, and it was extremely stressful.  Every single day for about six months, I walked into this environment of constant fear/anxiety and you never knew when the other shoe was going to drop or which group was getting hit next.  Needless to day, this brought out some really weird and competetive behavior in normally sane poeple. I tried not to let it throw me off my game or bring it home with me, but there were definitely days when I did.


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I have not been sick since January 2012!  Knock on wood...


11. What was the best thing you bought?
Aside from a new car? An electric piano!  My grandmother moved out of her house and into an apartment last year, and I was the lucky recipient of her baby-grand piano.  Unfortunately we do not have room for it, so it's living at my parents house for the time being.  But, I was getting the serious itch to play more often so I bought an electric Yamaha!  I'm pretty sure our downstairs neighbor now hates me.  Sorry Verlene...you will learn to love Beethoven I promise hopefully...


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Ben.  He put up with all of my stress meltdowns and nights when I would get home from work and start crying in a ball on the couch for no discernable reason.  I'm not trying to throw a pity party here by any means, but some days were super emotionally overwhelming and he was there for me through all of it.


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mini.  I've realized that there is no safe place in my home for breakable items, or anything made of peanut butter.  If it exists, she will find it and destroy it.  Also, when caught in the act she freezes and looks at me with surprise, like "what? how did I come to be on this high precipice/eating the christmas tree/knocking things off of the bookshelves/eating the cookies from the cookie exchange party at work?"  Just deplorable.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, car payments, Comcast (I hate you Comcast)


15. What did you get really excited about?
Starting to plan our travels for this summer

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
I can't pick just one...
Of Monsters and Men - Little Talks
The Lumineers - Stubborn Love
Polica - Wandering Star
Gregory Alan Isakov - That Sea, the Gambler
Maroon 5 - One More Night (it's my favorite running song)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a. happier or sadder?
Hmm...hard to say.  The same probably? Probably wiser in the ways in which the world can be a really difficult place, but not necessarily sadder.

b. thinner or fatter?
The same, I think?  I do not weigh myself ever.

c. richer or poorer?
Richer in all senses of the word


18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Saying how I really felt even though it was risky.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying about things that are out of my control.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my husband, parents, sister, aunt, uncle and cousin at my parents house



21. Did you fall in love in 2012?
Already in love with Ben :)
22. What was your favorite TV program?
In 2012?  Oh geez.
SHERLOCK
Parks and Rec
Community
Dexter
Game of Thrones

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate at this time last year?
I don't hate anyone

24. What was the best book you read?
Do re-reads count?  if yes, then Crime and Punishment.
Other favorites:
1Q84
Daughter of Smoke and Bone (and the sequel, Days of Blood and Starlight)
Cinder
The Dog Stars
Bossypants

25. What music did you get excited about?
Hmmm.  Sadly, I can't think of too much new music that I got excited about in 2012.  2011, yes.  2012, not so much.  I was pretty pumped about the new Mumford and Sons album, and am also excited for the new Cloud Cult that drops...next week I think (if you were part of the pre-order)?  I bought Sigur Ros tickets for April so that is exciting.  I also was pretty jazzed about dusting off some of my old Mozart/Beethoven/Chopin/Schubert/Grieg rep after I bought the electric piano.

26. What did you want and get?
Um, an electric piano and a new car, haha.  Some semblance of balance in handstand. And a new role at work.  It's funny how everything sometimes just falls into place, and even if it wasn't the way you would have planned it for yourself necessarily, it seems to work out for the best?

27. What did you want and not get?
Nothing really

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Was Take Shelter 2012?  If yes, then that one.  Sadly I haven't seen a lot of movies this year.  My favorite film that I watched, that I had not seen before was probably In the Mood for Love.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 29, and...what did I do?  Oh, right I had a party at our place, with cake and drinks and games.  And my sister skyped in from Australia.

30. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?
Probably if I'd have been able to divorce myself more from the chaos going on around me, I would have had a better year overall.  There were definitely some tough times in 2012 but they helped me grow, and gave me a thicker skin so I'm honestly thankful for them.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
I guess I wasn't aware you were supposed to change your "fashion concept" yearly.  My bad.

32. What kept you sane?
Ben and yoga.  And the pets, for as much as they drive me totally insane with their shenanigans, they are also awesome and cuddly.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Benedict Cumberbatch

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Gay rights - btw, way to vote no, Minnesota :)

35. Whom did you miss?
I had a few friends move away

36. Who was the best new person you met?
All of them

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012
Set yourself up for success based on the things you can control, then relenquish any attachment to decisions that are out of your control.  Then make the most of whatever happens.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year
There will be an answer - let it be

Yoga is not relaxing

A couple of weeks ago, I joined the Asana Junkies practice group with one of my favorite yoga teachers and writers, Christina Sell.  Every week, Christina gives us a new sequence, and hosts a webinar to discuss our experience with practicing that sequence and provides an open forum for discussion.

Dudes, these sequences are hard. 

Like, really hard.

Not because they involve crazy advanced poses, but because they challenge your stamina and willpower by asking you to hold postures for a really long-ass time.  Just to give you an idea, the first week's sequence started out with a 5-minute headstand, four 1-minute handstands, and there are ten backbends.  Ten.  Five urdhva dhanurasanas and five dwi pada viparitta dandasanas, one minute each.

Urdhva Dhanurasana

dwi pada viparitta dhandasana
( I'm working it with bent legs similar to Urdhva. 
None of this straight legs nonsense)

While attempting to practice this sequence, I learned a number of things:

• What I think is one minute, is actually about 20 seconds
• The above statement is especially true in pavritta trikonasana
• I cannot do four 1-minute handstands in a row
• But, I can rock a 5 minute headstand
• Pinca Mayurasana is still really, really hard

Most importantly, though, I learned what happens when you push through the point when you would normally give up.  And then you push through it again.  And again.  And over and over for 2 hours.  The thing is, if you stay in the pose long enough there's sometimes this moment of transformation, like breaking through a wall, and you discover a whole new depth to a pose you thought you already knew.

In a related story, I feel like there's this myth that doing yoga is basically stretching while listening to relaxing music and feeling blissed out.  I know this misconception exists, because while leaving class I have occasionally heard gripes such as "Um, that was NOT relaxing"  - the implication being that hey, I thought yoga was all peaceful but that was REALLY HARD and I kind of just wanted to do tree pose and you made me do all of this difficult shit and now I am PISSED.

I'm not sure how this myth got started exactly, because on what planet is this supposed to be relaxing:

Sure, BKS Iyengar...sure.

I think it might have something to do with the numerous articles asserting that yoga is some miracle cure that will magically relieve stress and anxiety, quiet your mind, and focus your energy.

[quick aside - for the next couple of paragraphs I'm going to use the word "Yoga" when what I really mean is Asana.  I think when most people think of Yoga, they think of Asana practice and I realize the two are not interchangable but that's how we're going to roll for a few minutes]

Yoga does do these things - not because it is inherently relaxing, but because it is inherently stressful.  Balancing upside down on your head is not relaxing.  Twisting into a pretzel is not relaxing.  The mental benefits are derived from working to stay calm and centered while in these difficult positions. 

Think about it.  It doesn't make sense to think that we could learn to manage stress by staying relaxed in a comfortable situation. In order to grow in our capacity to stay grounded in stressful situations, we have to practice...staying grounded in stressful situations.

I recently came across this Psychology Today article, which explains how we form new neural pathways by re-training our brain.  The fight or flight response is somewhat innate, but it can be changed by the repeated action of a new response.  Learning to breathe deeply and quiet your mind while sitting on your couch watching The Bachelor is very different than learning to breathe deeply and quiet your mind while you are twisted into a pretzel and hovering over the floor.


A few weeks ago, I heard a story on NPR about the different ways in which Asian and U.S. cultures approach the experience of struggle and challenge.  In the U.S., we see struggle as a sign of low intelligence, and assume that being smart means you will "get it" right away.  In Asian cultures, struggling is seen as a sign of mental fortitutde.

"In Eastern cultures, Stigler says, it's just assumed that struggle is a predictable part of the learning process. Everyone is expected to struggle in the process of learning, and so struggling becomes a chance to show that you, the student, have what it takes emotionally to resolve the problem by persisting through that struggle."

When my husband comes home after a day of work with yet another story of a student who didn't hand in his or her work because they "couldn't do it," my immediate reaction is usually "bah, kids these days don't understand responsibility, no work ethic blah blah blah..."

But what if what we're seeing isn't laziness or lack of accountability, but instead the natural result of a culture that has stopped teaching our children that it's OK to struggle?  That writes people off if they do not immediately grasp a concept or produce a deliverable the right way?  I've seen this happen both at school and at work, and it is so unfortunate, because the people who have to work the hardest to get where they need to be, often end up being just as good if not better than those who 'get it' right away. 

Not to generalize (ok, that was a lie I am totally generalizing), but we are a nation that looks for easy fixes to our problems.  Exercise that doesn't make you tired, diets where you can eat whatever you want, and I think it's given us the impression that nothing should be hard and if it is, you're just not good at it or you're doing it wrong.

Just to bring everything full circle, yoga can teach us how to struggle skillfully.  It puts us in a place that is not comfortable, and then challenges us to work through that feeling.  By repeating this process, we can literally re-wire our brain to respond differently under stress.

Yes, you can absolutely go to a very meditative place while practicing asana - I can and often do. But the path to getting to that place is not always smooth, and you can't expect to get there every single time. Sometimes you feel blissful, and sometimes you are yelling expliatives at Elena Brower during a Yogaglo webcast while she makes you hold ardha chandrasana for a thousand years. Such is life.

Yoga is not not a magical cure-all. Just like any effort that fosters growth and transformation, it is not easy.  It's not supposed to be easy. The poses are just poses - if you want yoga to change your life, you have to do the work.