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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Google Maps is probably trying to kill me

Yesterday afternoon, a few of my co-workers and I did a volunteer shift at Second Harvest Heartland.  Being the planful person that I am, I decided to print of directions both from work to Second Harvest, and from Second Harvest to my house.  This was not necessary, as it turns out, because Second Harvest is actually about 2 seconds from work, so driving home from their building was almost exactly the same as driving home from the office.

Better to be safe than sorry right?

Maybe.  So, I've encountered situations where Google Maps was slightly off in its directions (asking me to turn on a road that does not appear to exist, telling me to continue straight through what is clearly a dead end) but this time I actually did a double take.  I read over the directions a few times before concluding that yes, Google Maps had in fact just instructed me to make a U Turn on I-94.

I shit you not.  Please refer to visual evidence below.  If you live in the Twin Cities, you will notice that these directions make NO SENSE.

Exhibit A

 Curious, I zoomed in on the exact spot of the alleged U-Turn - right after you cross the river, somewhere between the Riverside and Cretin/Vandalia exits.  There is no possible way this could happen without crashing through a cement barrier and across several lanes of traffic.  Then, after making a 180 degree turn, I am somehow supposed to continue in the same direction I was already going, defying the laws of physics and and obliterating the time-space continuum.  West is east.  Down is up.  Nothing makes sense anymore after GOOGLE MAPS ASKS YOU TO MAKE A U-TURN ON THE DAMN INTERSTATE.

Not only is this highly illegal, I also would most likely die.  There are only two possible explanations for this nonsense:
1) Google Maps thinks I am actually James Bond
2) The internet has finally developed consciousness and is trying to kill us all

Luckily for humankind, I am not a lemming who blindly follows all instructions given to me by the interwebs.  I continued driving straight on the highway when my directions instructed me to do otherwise, and in a shocking conclusion I still ended up at my house.

In other news, it is now after November 15 - therefore, it is acceptable to start breaking out the holiday decorations.  I made no less than 3 trips to Pottery Barn on Sunday, and now our dining room table looks like this:

Why so many trips?  Well, one to scope out the goods and to mentally assess the damage against the budget I had made in my head.  A second one to buy stuff - and then I found myself wishing there was a 3rd height of candleholder, so I trekked down to Pier 1 to see if they had a shorter version.  They did - however, the circumfrence of the PB candleswas too large for the Pier 1 candleholders.  Sneaky retail bastards.  I see what you did there.
Anyway, I had to go back and get two more candleholders.

In other other news, wine and pasta are both delicious, and Salut is very dark inside.

I am working from home tomorrow, and have Thursday and Friday off - so it is almost time for the Thanksgiving baking to commence!  Ben and I are in charge of Dessert again and I have pumpkin layer cake, banana chocolate tart, and apple crisp on the docket for this year.  Overly ambitious?  Maybe.  Worth the effort?  Definitely.

Have a wonderful holiday weekend!


  1. Three things:

    1. My gps tells me to go the wrong way down one way streets all the time. It's highly alarming.
    2. "I am not a lemming" made me lol.
    3. That centerpiece is beautiful.

    Have a nice Thanksgiving!

    1. AHHH see??! Technology is trying to kill us all. GPS is super sketchy - once it took me all the way through downtown Philly during rush hour to get to the highway, when I could have easily gotten there by going 2 minutes in the other direction.

  2. gps is so sketchy! i actually hate apple maps and want google maps back on my phone. i'm sure there is a way to do this but i'm too lazy to sort it out right now :) i love that you are 'making a U turn' for FOUR MINUTES!! hahaha.

    i love that stump candle btw very cute! i am all about rustic and natural looking decor...i just don't do glitter-y things around here. i'm off thurs and fri but have to go in on fri for an hour to split some cells (can't leave them alone for 5 days without any attention!) oh science.

    have a great holiday! i am cooking a 17lb bird and i need to make the brine tonight!

    1. Right?? Well I guess at least I have 4 minutes to contemplate my impending doom...or to make a U-Turn very, very carefully.

      I also love woodsy christmas decor. We do have one glittery wreath thats kind of cute, but I have to hang it super high otherwise the cat will destroy it. Hope the cooking went well!

  3. that just happened to me! I was printing directions to a party over the weekend, trying to go straight from school, and it told me to take a u turn on 94 too! what the hell?

    1. SO strange! Interesting that it is not just me, this is clearly a thing. It's probably a glitch, but I'm sticking with malicious intent. More entertaining :)

  4. here is something to make your thanksgiving desserts to, and even listen to while you make U-turns!

    -The Lion King


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