Aim for Grateful

Note: I wrote this on Thursday, but I posted it today...so when I say "today" I mean Thursday...

this is a random photo of me looking like a
professional adult.  weeeeeee...

Well, the last couple of days have been...interesting.  For purely logistical reasons related to cats and my parents being out of town, I'll be spending a couple of nights alone at our new place this week in order to be more centrally located.  And by "alone" I mean "sleepover with Mini."

To answer your burning questions: no, we have no furniture in the new place.  Or food, or cooking supplies, or...anything. Luckily, my parents were kind enough to leave a roll of toilet paper and a shower curtain, so at least hygeine is taken care of.

I did plan ahead by packing our (super-awesome) air mattress and an extra blanket.  I was actually pretty pumped to sleep on the air mattress - this thing is amazing.  It inflates in seconds and is ridiculously comfortable.  I've used it for a number of previous housing transitions, and even slept on it on occasion during Christmas break from college, when we had 9 people staying at my parents house.

However, upon attempting to inflate the mattress, I discovered that the latch on the air valve is completely broken.  I looked in every cupboard, hoping that my mom had left some fixer-upper type materials. No such luck.  She was much too thorough in cleaning up after herself...I should have anticipated this.  In utter desperation I attempted to plug the valve using a t-shirt and a plastic target bag.  Unsurprisingly, this did not work.

After my fun night of sleeping on the floor, I woke up bright and early to get on the road to work, with my Starbucks coffee and breakfast sammich in tow.  For some reason I was convinced that traffic would be horrible and that it would take a bazillion hours to drive from St. Paul to Golden Valley.  It took 20 minutes.  I was safely at my desk typing emails by 7:10.  So...there's that.

About 10 minutes later, my phone rang. It was Ben. "Did you get my message?" he asked. The tone of his voice indicated that something had gone awry.

"Ummm...no?"

Long story short...Ben took Sid for his morning walk, realizing only too late that he didn't have his keys and was thus locked out.  Our neighbor let him into the building, but he was still SOL because everything he needed for the day was inside the apartment, which was also locked. Not to mention there was no way of getting Sid back inside. So.  Sidney is at my in-laws for the day, and Ben is at work, teaching without a computer.  Good thing our new front door does not lock automatically.

What does any of this have to do with being grateful?  Absolutely nothing.  I'm just amused by my life and wanted to talk about it.

So gratitude.  I don't think I mentioned this, but on Monday my team went through a day-long "culture training." I was skeptical going in, but aside from being trapped in a windowless room for 9 hours it was really not too bad. It was basically a day of self-reflection and what we can all do to be better leaders and act with integrity.  No kool-aid in sight.

One of the things we discussed was the "mood elevator."  Here it is:

...nope...

...there we go.

Two things on this mood elevator really stood out to me.  1) That the top of the elevator is "grateful", and 2) that the transition point from negative to positive is "curious."  In order to get to understanding and positive, we have to start asking questions.  When we're in a bad place, we need to be spacious and open to possibility - asking "why" instead of immediately judging something as good or bad.

I love the following quote from David Steindl-rast: "In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy."  I couldn't agree more.  When we remind ourselves to find the beauty in where we are rather than complain about where we're not, we are not only happier, but infinitely more capable. Opportunities we didn't see before become visible.

Yes, this is life and shitty things happen.  I don't think that looking for the good in something bad equates to denial - although I've heard people make that argument, I think they're completely wrong.  It's not about trying to pretend that the bad stuff isn't bad - it's about being open to the possibility that something good could come from it. I would never look back at something horrible and say "hey - I'm really glad that happened." But I can be grateful for the strength, growth and self-knowledge I was able to cultivate only because this bad thing happened.  No mud, no lotus.

Late last year, I lost a friend - someone who should have been a shining light in our lives for a long time.  I will never think that he should have died, and I will never not be sad that the world lost him too soon.  But I'm not angry about it anymore. My anger wasn't serving anyone - it wasn't even perceptible to the people who hurt him, and it obviously wasn't bringing him back.  All I can do is be thankful to have known him.

We talked a lot about gratitude in the immersion, and I've been making a conscious effort to view the world through that lens.  When the sun is shining, be grateful for the sun.  When it rains, be grateful for the rain.  Revel in the small things, and they will give infinitely back.

Well, this has been a little bit random.  All of that rambling just to say...that when we were asked to put together "I will..." statements at the end of the training, one of mine (I had like 8...I may have gotten a little overzealous with the "I will..." statements...), my first one was "I will aim for grateful."  That certainly doesn't mean I'll always get there - just that I'll try to make it my aim, all the time.

I'll still have my judgmental moments... and irritated and anxious moments.  But at those times, if I aim for grateful, maybe I'll at least end up at curious :)

Update: I tried the duct tape/mattress strategy.  Total fail.  But...I'm grateful...that I have a floor to sleep on?  Maybe?  OK apparently I still need to work on this whole thing...

Sometimes, you can go home again

The first house I ever lived in was the second floor of a lovely duplex in St. Paul.  My parents bought the house before I was born and rented out the first floor while we lived upstairs.  I have so many fond memories of growing up there - playing in the backyard, running up and down Grand Avenue with my neighborhood friends, filming "movies" in the attic (and yes, we thought our filmmaking was genius).  We also had a full front porch, where my sister and I spent a most of our time being ridiculous.


Ridiculousness in full force.
Julianna, you're welcome in advance for posting this on my public blog.

 Eventually, trying to convince my sister that the tiny office with no fourth wall was her "room" got a little old, as did moving her bed out of the way every time we needed to get into the closet.  It was time to upgrade.  Luckily, 20 years of scrimping and saving allowed my parents to build a gorgeous prairie-school house on a lake in North Oaks, and we moved there when I was 11.

North Oaks house in winter

My college years were spent living in the dorms, but when I graduated I moved to Berkeley with my friend Lindsey and our classmate Carrie, and into my first 'real' apartment!  It was nothing fancy, but it was in an amazing location and made for a great first apartment experience.  

After I moved back to MN, my friend Tessa and I moved into a 2BR condo in the Grand Avenue neighborhood of St. Paul.  We lived there for three years and had a lot of fun and many glorious parties.  This was where Ben and I started dating, so there are a lot of special memories from those days.



2009 - One of many fun nights at the condo


When I started grad school, I moved to Minneapolis in order to be closer to school and the bus line.  I was lucky enough to find an adorable apartment in Uptown, just two blocks from the express bus to the U.  It was the first place I lived that was really "mine," and I took full advantage.  I only lived there for two years, but my place on Emerson will always have a special piece of my heart.



Living room on Emerson



Bedroom on Emerson


Last spring when Ben moved back from BG, we knew we wanted a slightly bigger space than what I currently had - plus, as much as I loved that apartment, the building didn't allow dogs.  So, we moved to a lovely two-BR condo on Garfield, which is where we live now (see pretty much any recent post for photos).  To be honest, even though I love the neighborhood, for a variety of reasons into which I will not get...into...(?? is that even a sentence.  I have no idea) I've never felt that this living situation was completely ideal.

So...long story short...we are moving!  Next week. Yes I realize I just moved, but this was really a case of stars aligning.  Also, we've known we were moving since Christmas, I just haven't blogged about it...mostly due to recurring instances of cupcakes, travels, and other things that are more fun to write about than the infinite packing of glassware.

SO.  The point of all this is...remember that duplex I grew up in?  Well, my parents never sold it.  In fact, they've continued to rent it for the last 17 years, mostly to young professionals and couples just starting out.  Literally two days after we decided we would move at the end of our lease, my mom called to say that her upstairs tenants were moving out at the end of Feburary, and that the unit was ours if we wanted it. BUT, we'd have to wait until after March because she needed a few weeks to do some necessary touch-ups. Our lease is up April 1. 

The duplex has about 250 more square feet than our current place, plus an entire attic for storage, a full front porch, and a backyard.  And, it's a 2BR+, so we'll actually have an office to work in, instead of letting all of our papers pile up on the coffee table.  AND...it's about 1/3 less expensive than our current place.  And the neigborhood is just as good if not better.

This really is a win-win all around.  At first I thought it would be weird moving back into my childhood home, but honestly it's been so long that it doesn't feel strange at all.  Looking at it from an apartment-hunting perspective gives me an even greater appreciation for what a neat space it is...and also for how much my mom is undercharging (AND how overpriced our current place is....which I kind of knew...)

Anyways...here are some photos of our NEW HOME (as of 3/23):


Looking from the living room into the dining room...love the built-ins with leaded glass!




...and back through the dining room into the living room



The Office aka my sister's old room.
That huge open space used to house a giant fish tank containing no water or fish.
I won't attempt to explain this.  Because I can't.



Front porch!  Perfect for PORCH PARTY!



Kitchen



Kitchen again
 
Bathroom...which is being repainted.  Not a huge fan of the brown.




Hallway between the two bedrooms...with a LINEN CLOSET.
I am so excited to have tons of storage.

So there you have it!  It's going to add probably 10-15 minutes onto each of our commutes but honestly...totally worth it.  We're excited!  I hope the pets are excited too...although something tells me Sidney will need to do his business a few times to declare the duplex "his." Mini probably won't even notice.  As long as she gets cuddles, she's good to go.

Happy Tuesday!  And if you're in MN, enjoy the ridiculously awesome weather this week.  You never know, we might get bombed by a random April blizzard...so make hay while the sun shines, as they say :)

(no, I have no idea who "they" are.  Hay farmers, I would assume)

Back in the Bay! (San Fran Recap)

Now that it's Thursday, I guess I could post about my trip that I got back from on...Sunday.  Seriously though, work has been kind of insane.  I was only in the office one day last week, due to work travel from Monday-Wednesday, and leaving for Cali on Thursday evening.  Cramming 5 days worth of work into 1 day is not ideal - and it unfortunately caused me to miss out on some non-work events I'd really been hoping to make it to.  Oh well.  Such is life.  I spent most of Monday playing email catch up, worked late on Monday and Tuesday despite getting into the office at 7:30, and am just now beginning to feel like I have my life under control.  Luckily, none of these things stopped me from getting to the yoga studio on Monday.

ANYWAY.  Fun things!  My trip to SF was amazing.  I arrived at SFO late Thursday evening, so Linds and I just went back to her place, and spent some time catching up and drinking scotch :)  On Friday Linz had to work, so I hopped on BART and ventured over to my old 'hood in Berkeley!

I'd lived in Berkeley for a few months already before I realized that somehow, dumb luck had landed me in the best neighborhood in the city, hands down.  We lived right behind the Andronicos on Shattuck and Vine, two blocks from Cheeseboard, a block from Chez Panisse, and near a ton of amazing yoga studios, which I didn't even know about since I wasn't practicing yet at the time. 

the old 'hood

Philz Coffee and a cheese roll from THE CHEESEBOARD!!

My favorite Thai restaurant!  I ate here on one of my first nights in Berkeley, back in 2005.

As I was just wandering about, I walked past Yoga Kula - an Anusara-focused Hatha studio!  I dropped in to pick up a schedule, and immediately determined that I would attend the 12pm all-levels class. The only barrier to achieving this goal was that I was wearing jeans - but that wasn't anything $3 sweatpants from a nearby Wallgreens couldn't solve.  Desperation, or determination?  You be the judge.
That night we had dinner at Burma Superstar, which was fantastic!  Their Tea Leaf salad is advertised as a party in your mouth, and it did not disappoint.  The flatbread and curries were also excellent.

Saturday was Lindsey's birthday, so we kicked it off at our favorite Berkeley brunch spot, La Note!  The toughest thing for me at La Note is deciding whether I want to go sweet or savory, because both are so delicious.  In the end I went with my old standby - scrambled and eggs with goat cheese, tomatoes and toast.

The Latte bowl was an easy decision...

 After brunch, we decided to hit up Muir Woods for some hiking shenanigans.  We were both wearing ballet flats, but figured that we are awesome enough to take on the woods regardless.  Unfortunately when we got there, we could not find parking to save our lives.  Instead of trying hard, we just went "oh well!" and decided to drive into the city to shop and eat cupcakes.  It seemed reasonable.

However, we also both really had to pee.  The only place we could think to stop was Muir Beach, which neither of us had been to before... and we had no idea how beautiful it was!  The sky was ridiculously blue and clear, and the water was sparkling.  We had a little too much fun taking photos on the beach.  This was definitely the best accidental rest-stop/abandoned hiking adventure decision ever made.

tough call...or not...

B-day girl :)

I almost didn't post this because my alignment is so terrible.  I was literally about to fall out of the pose...
balancing in wet sand is harder than you would think.

After our beach adventure, we took advantage of the ridiculously clear skies to stop and take cheesy tourist photos overlooking the Golden Gate bridge.  Having lived here for a little while, I recognize how rare it is to actually be able to see the entire bridge.  I maintain that the the clouds went away in honor of Lindsey's birth and subsequent existance on the earth, but I might be biased.

Posing like tourists

LOVE

Shut up.  When can you ever see the entire bridge??

As we were hitting up Peet's near the Powell BART, we noticed this lovely new addition (possibly new?  I don't know, I haven't been there for 5 years...whatever, it was new to me):

EAT ME NOW

...Obviously we purchased cupcakes immediately.  When presented with sprinkles, I am really left with no choice but to consume them.

I'm just a girl who can't say no...

pre-dinner birthday cake?  why on earth not.

Dinner was at Wexler's in San Fran - an upscale-ish BBQ joint with a fun atmosphere and delicious drinks.  Lindsey ordered a Manhattan which I normally hate, but when I tried hers I LOVED it.  Any place that can make me love a Manhattan is an immediate winner in my book.   We shared an order of Scotch Eggs as an appetizer, and I ordered the Short Ribs for my meal - they were amaaaaaaaazing.

Finally got to meet some of Linz's Berkely/Oakland friends!

The next morning we had coffee and pastries, bummed around Berkely for a bit more, and then Linz drove me to the airport.  She did not do a great job of hiding her displeasure at my imminent departure.

"...but I have to go to work tomorrow?"

I'm definitely planning to make this an annual event.  Linz is one of my favorite people, and the bay is one of my favorite places...so logically, I should visit more often!  Unfortunately it was kind of a whirlwind trip so I didn't get to see everyone I wanted to...I have a few other friends out in San Fran, and I would have loved to see them too.  Next time!  :)

...we now return to your regularly scheduled eating/sleeping/working on powerpoints that somehow must be finished by 1pm.  Shwaaa??!

Happy MARCH!

If you're going to San Francisco...

Make sure it's your friend Lindsey's birthday!!!

Once upon a time, I lived in Berkeley - and I haven't been back to visit since probably 2006...ish?  Maybe?  Anywhoo, while there I lived with my good friend Lindsey, who has also appeared in such awesome memories as "Fun Times at St. Olaf" and "Officiating Kristina and Ben's Wedding."  As soon as I had a salary and PTO, one of the first trips I wanted to cross off my list was a visit to see Linz!

Yesterday I bummed around Berkeley while Linz was at work, visited a few of my old haunts and got re-acquainted with my old friend BART.  Today is LINDSEY'S BIRTHDAY, so we have big plans for brunch, frolicking around San Fran, and celebrating in grand style.

Have a great weekend!  Back next week with photos and further shenanigans.

The Great Bechamel Disaster of 2012

Hey there y'all!  I am writing from the thrilling locale of Fort Worth, Texas.  It's actually been a great trip, and my co-workers and I have had a great time bonding (and working too, obviously... :) ).  Today we had a 2 hour drive, and stopped for lunch at Rudy's BBQ.  It was AWESOME - some of the best BBQ I've ever had, and the three-bean salad is quite excellent as well.

However...the giant helping of BBQ Turkey + 2 hours in the car is not sitting so well in my stomach right now...bleh.  Also it turns out that my initial instinct to pack my own tea was spot-on, because there is NO TEA in this hotel.  Not only is there none to be found in the room, but even at breakfast they only serve coffee.  I love coffee in the morning, but right now my tummy really wants a damn cup of tea.  Oh well...live and learn :(  At least I can heat up some water in my room.  And the fresh fruit I packed has definitely come in handy.


View from my roooooooooooooooom

 I'd never worked in corporate before this summer, so this whole "business travel" thing is quite new to me.  Like, I know I'm here for work but it just blows my mind that someone else is paying for my plane ticket and hotel.  And I feel so guilty putting things on my company card.  Even though I know we're supposed to use it for meals, inside my head I'm like, "but I would have eaten food today anyway..."  But, when I hear stories (from other companies) of the things that people's boss's boss's boss's bosses have supposedly expensed, I no longer feel guilty at ALL.

The last time I visited our client down here, I wore full-on business attire because I was all "hey we're going to visit a cusomter, I should look AWESOME."  Well, it turns out they are super casual and I stuck out like a sore thumb. So this time I toned it down a bit with mostly jeans, flats and nice tops.  Still not, you know, sweatpants, but just not as intimidating as suits and heels.  Making sure that the way you dress doesn't make others feel put off or uncomfortable is more important than looking uber-professional sometimes.  If people feel like they can't relate to you because you're wearing a suit and look like an investment banker, it's hard to build a relationship.


Workin it.


In a related story except not at all, Ben and I went to an Italian cooking class last week!  It was super fun and we learned a lot...and I am also pretty sure I ate all of the butter on the planet (or at least most of it was - the rest was in my pizza last night, or in the ridiculous dessert that followed).  One of the dishes we made was a crespelle lasagna, which is basically a lasagna made with crepes instead of noodles. The crepes were layered with bechamel, parmasean cheese and prosciutto - so essentially we were eating butter and eggs, layered with butter and cream, cheese, and meat, repeat several times and bake.

Practicing for when I become a famous chef

...and competetive eater (JK.  Never.)

There was, however, one unfortunate thing that happened during this cooking class.  That unfortuate thing was my attempt at Bechamel.  I will say right off the bat that I do not believe this was my fault!!  Trust me - if it was, I would own it, but here is the sad tale of last Thursday's Bechamel.

I've only made bechamel once in my life, and it did NOT turn out well.  But, this was back in college when my cooking skills were pretty minimal.  Now that I can at least make a decent roux, I was pretty confident I could master the Bechamel.  Plus, no one else in my group had EVER made one before. 

If you've never made bechamel, you probably know that this is not something you should just dive into with no instruction.  But that's exactly what happened - they just handed us the recipe and were like "OK go for it."  No demo, no detailed instructions, nothing.  It's a little intimidating to make something like that on the spot if you've never done it before, and sauces can be kind of touchy and time-sensitive.

Still somewhat confident, I added my butter and flour to the pan and started whisking away.  The next step, obviously, was to add the milk and cream - the only problem with this was that the teacher was in the process of heating up everyone's milk and cream over the stove, so we all had to wait until it was ready and then receive our milk and cream individually.  My roux wasn't quite ready yet, so I just kept whisking and stirring until I got it to what I thought was the proper color.  I asked the teacher if she thought it looked ready and she responded that it needed to be a little darker.  I didn't think it did, but whatever lady you're the boss...so I returned it to the heat.

As I continued to whisk, the teacher (who seemed *really* frazzled and was finally starting to pass out milk...but not to me yet...) walked by, looked at my roux, and declared that it needed more flour.  One of the obliging assistants came by with extra flour and proceeded to add some.  At this point, I was sweating and my arm was getting tired, and Ben was over by the teacher's stove waiting to pounce on the next batch of milk/cream that came available, so I was basically defenseless against the coming onslaught of flour.

At first it was fairly harmless - just a couple of tablespoons.  I thought at this point that it looked fine, but the assistant would shake his head, go "hmm...maybe a little more," until he had added probably half a cup of extra flour.  That is a LOT of flour in this context.  Finally he declared it ready, just as Ben returned with the milk, and the roux was looking awfully dark.

I tried to incorporate the milk as Ben added it, one cup at a time...but after he had added all of the milk, it was clear that something was not right.  My bechamel hardened into a strange, smooth dough blob, and no matter how much I whisked it, it stayed solid.  I sent Ben back for more milk.  We added another cup, but it still looked like a weird blob, and was definitely too dark.

Our helpful assistant walked by again...and informed us that wow, we need more milk.
Yes.  We know.  Thanks.

We added another cup of milk...and then another...each time being told by the assistant that we needed MORE MILK.  At a certain point, the sauce finally started to come together a bit, but the consistency was still really weird, so I asked the assistant if he thought it was headed in the right direction.  Keep in mind, I have never made a successful bechamel.

His response?

"Oh, I have no idea, I've never done this before."

WHAT?!  You added about a bazillion cups of flour to my pot with an air of complete and total authority and now you're telling me you have NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE????!???  I was PISSED.  But I didn't say anything, I just finished my sad, rubbery, tannish Bechamel and layered my damn lasagna.  And then later the teacher told me in a very kind voice that the trick to the crespselle was "mastering the bechamel." 

Well.  Maybe I could have mastered the bechamel, had I not been the victim of a disastrous flour-bombing.  I'll try it again soon.  Maybe I'll make pastitsio.  Weeeeeeeee.

So, that's my story for the day.  Off for some yoga glo with Elena Brower and then out to dinner!  Catch y'all later!

Helloooo there!!

Well hi!  Long time no chat, so to speak.  It's been pretty busy around here for the last week or so what with Valentine's day and all the birthdays, and the british soap operas which required my undivided attention.  To quickly summarize:

What I have not been up to:

- Blogging

- Reading nearly enough

- Following the Republican primaries

What I have been up to:- A lot of yoga

- A LOT of work...

- Celebrating my mom's birthday

- Celebrating my dad's birthday
- Celebrating my birthday
- Wasting time on facebook
- Baking cake
- Eating cake
- Watching squintillions of hours of Downton Abbey while consuming said cake

Internet time suck strikes again

And oh yeah... last Thursday was my 29th birthday!  It was totally not a big deal, but some of my work friends were mad that I didn't say anything, so we're going to celebrate together next week when we travel to the thrilling locale of north Texas.  

After work, I hit up a hot yoga class, and came home to find a freshly-baked batch of cookies and a home cooked meal courtesy of my wonderful husband :)  Mini decided to help with some chores, and even Sidney somehow found the time to make me a card, despite his lack of language skills and opposable thumbs.

I help u.

Happy B-Day!  I didn't pee on the floor today!

Pasta Carbonara

On Friday, we went out to dinner with my parents and my mom's friend Pat, who was visiting from Portland.  Pat and my mom have been friends since before I was born - she was like an aunt to me growing up, and is definitely an honorary member of our family.  It was really a joint Birthday celebration - my parents and I all have birthdays in the first half of February, and over the years we've moved towards more of a joint celebration than celebrating them all separately.

We went to Blackbird, which was fantastic as usual.  I had the celery root and mushroom risotto, which was amaaaazing.  Ben got the Walleye Po Boy, my parents both ordered Orichette, and Pat had the Cassoulet - definitely my favorite dish at the table besides my own :)  After dinner we walked back to our place for coffee and cake.

All of us at Blackbird

On Saturday, I had some friends over for drinks and more cake.  Amanda brought a delicious chocolate mocha torte, and the makings for Blood Orange Gin Sparklers, which were fan-tastic.  And gin-tastic.  Amanda was quite generous when she poured mine.

A few friends brought beer and various snacks, and I baked a second cake - Dorie Greenspan's French Apple Cake (via David Liebowitz's blog).  It was a lovely night and we had a great time just hanging out and chatting.

In other news, it finally snowed!!  And I am obsessed with Downton Abbey and wish I could be BFF's with Dowager Countess Violet.  And that I had all of Mary Crawley's dresses.  And this week's episode of How I Met Your Mother almost made me cry.  WHAT?!?

Also the most exciting part of my day was re-entering some numbers into a spreadsheet.  They were cost-related numbers and they were much lower than expected.  It blew my mind.

My life is super exciting.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

Happy Tuesday!  The worst part of the week is over!!!