What's happening in Istanbul - spread the word

As many of you know, I spent January 2011 in Istanbul Turkey as part of my masters program. Just yesterday, I learned of the events that have transpired in that city over the last week or so.

During the last week of May, a group came together to protest the razing of one of Istanbul's last green spaces. What began quitely and peacefully quickly escalated into violence as police turned up with tear gas, rubber bullets and water cannons.

My friends and I stayed near Taksim and walked through that square every day. It's hard to picture such terrible things happening in a place that still feels close to my heart. Turkish authorities have been actively trying to stop the word from spreading, and even Western media sites seem reluctant to comment on or reveal the full extent of police brutality involved. Below are some links to blogs and photos from Taksim Square - PLEASE read and help spread the word. Just as a heads up, some of the photos in the first link are pretty graphic.

http://onedio.com/haber/gezi-parki-eyleminden-dehset-veren-fotograflar-116604

http://defnesumanblogs.com/

http://www.allegiancemusical.com/blog-entry/young-turks

With friends near Taksim Square, eating spiced stuffed mussels

Chatting with students at Bosphorus University

If I were still in grad school....

...I would be in finals right now. My kitchen table would probably look a lot like this:

I would most likely be on campus working on a group presentation, creating super-informative slides about corporate strategy:

beer + powerpoint = ??

Or, possibly I'd just be blowing off work entirely so I could accomplish the crucial task of compiling all of my marketing professors hilarious-slash-offensive quotes into a single slide:

In Business School, we also enjoy making important charts. Brace yourselves friends, your minds are about to be blown:

In any case, I probably would not be knocking back a scotch with Ben, watching Dexter and decorating our tree. I definitely wouldn't be doing this all weekend. My life has changed so much in the last year, sometimes it's almost a bit much to absorb.

I definitely do not miss the late nights and studying on weekends, feeling like I never have time to finish everything, and minor panic attacks over financial modeling and options (still don't understand those...) But, I do miss the graph humor. And the giggling. And drinking in the CVE lab. Tradeoffs are part of life...but even through the shifts and adjustments of the last few months, it is steady, solid and beautiful.

The end is where we start from

If you had told me last year at this time that I would be sad when grad school ended, I probably would have just laughed. I pretty distinctly remember saying to one of my friends/teammates "If I got a full time offer from my employer to start right away after the summer, I'd probably take it and not come back."

The reasons I was so stressed out and unhappy last year were numerous, and the reasons this year is so much better are equally numerous - I won't get into all of them right now, but something about my life this year felt like a new beginning. I'm not sure if school changed, or if I did - yes, having a less stressful schedule made a huge difference, and having a job already lined up took a ton of stress off, but I definitely came back after the summer with a different attitude.

In the Anusara immersion and in my yoga classes, we talk a lot about looking for beauty in every situation and maintaining a beginner's mind. If you keep your mind open, there is always something to learn and to appreciate... which is hard to remember when you are getting yelled at by a less-than-awesome member of your administration (see I can be PC on the blog... 'less-than-awesome'...), realizing that one of your classmates created a website saying nasty things about your school, or feeling the after-effects of Wild Turkey shots at the Country Bar (questionable choice). Even though at times it was really difficult - wondering whether I'd made the right choice, if I belonged there, wishing I didn't have to spend two years apart from Ben - I wouldn't trade the experiences I've had and the friend's I've made for anything.

Now that we're basically done I realize there are so many things I'll miss about CSOM. Why is it that in school, we feel like we have carte-blanche to act totally ridiculous and then as soon as we start work we have to pretend we're grown-ups? I think the official term for something like this is liminal place- a time or location where normal rules of conduct do not apply, like Mardi Gras, Halloween and Las Vegas...and, I think, college and B-School.

The title of this post is from one of my absolute favorite poems - Little Gidding by T.S. Eliot (the fourth of the Four Quartets). It reminds me that the end of one thing is really the beginning of something else. Accomplishing one thing doesn't mean you're finished - it means you are ready to begin the next chapter.

What we call the beginning is often the end
And to make and end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from.

Half Life

My apartment is in that strange awkward stage of being half-unpacked and half-livable. All the furniture is there, but many necessities are still in boxes. For the most part, I would rather think of new and creative ways to use already unpacked objects than unpack the things I actually need. This leads to strange behavior such as using a hat as a pot-holder or re-washing and using the same spatula over and over again. But, it's starting to come together! Seeing my old table in the new space is still a little weird - like two parallel universes crashed into one another.

Then there's the bathroom project - my bathroom has these pale greenish walls and i was originally planning on doing something really neutral with grey and white towels/shower curtain...but then I was unpacking and saw this little gem:

The red/turquoise/taupe color scheme went surprisingly well well the pale grayish green paint, so I decided to try it out as a color scheme. It still needs a LOT of work but I think I like where this is going.



I definitely need a couple more pieces that have more color and bring the whole thing together... but red and turquoise is a surprisingly difficult color combo to find. If I had the $$ I would hire an interior designer...but I do not, so we're relying on my mediocre decorating skills. Hooray!

Both of the bedrooms are basically storage spaces at this point, so we'll get around to them later...but I'm pretty excited about how they're turning out, especially the second bedroom/yoga room.

On another note...today is my LAST CLASS of grad school! And yoga with Ali tonight... so it should be a good day :)

Hijacked!

Ways in which my classmates hijacked my ethics class:

~~~~~

Professor: So what did Shell do that was unethical?
Classmate 1 (immediately): NOTHING.

~~~~~

Professor: So...wait what was that quote again.... the tragedy of the commons...something about good men....
Classmate 2: It's a tangent let's move on.
Professor: OK.

~~~~~

I can't think of anything to write so I'll let Rumi and Ghandi do it for me:

Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase "each other" doesn't make sense. Today like every other day, we wake up empty and frightened. Don't open the door to the study and begin reading. Take down the musical instrument. Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.
- Rumi

Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.

—Gandhi

(p.s. the quote the prof was trying to remember is from Thomas Paine: "The only thing required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing")

Early Bird

I think I've already mentioned my slightly irrational love for early mornings... you know, morning. That time when it's still dark outside and most people are still sleeping? Love it. When I go to bed at night I actually look forward to my morning routine - it's nothing special, but it's one of my favorite parts of the day, partly because I haven't had time yet to think about all the crap I have to get done later on. This is what my typical morning looks like:

6am: Alarm goes off.
6:00 and 5 seconds: Snooze alarm (I leave enough time for this on purpose)
6:05: Alarm goes off again. Get up for real.
6:05 - 6:30: Turn on MPR and listen to the news while I putz around the kitchen, do some dishes from the day before and make my coffee. Lately I've been using these beans:

Dogwood just opened up near my apartment and wow do they sell some delicious beans. They aren't cheap (these were $15 a pound) but still way less expensive than going to Starbucks every day like I used to.

French Press ... the only way to go. And a giant St. Olaf mug. Um Ya Ya :)
6:30 - 7ish: Get dressed, pack my bag for school, drink coffee, continue listening to news/music.
7:10: Catch the bus, enjoy the warm cozy bus ride (I will REALLY miss taking the bus, especially in the winter)
7:30: Arrive at school, hole up in a small study room with all of my stuff and get to work!


From 7:30 to 8 or so (when I usually have a meeting or class), I'll usually work on blogging, Immersion homework or school projects, and enjoy my breakfast (overnight oats) and some tea (provided by CVE!). Always nice to find some good music to accompany solitary work:


... new Radiohead album helps with that...awesomeness. Track 6 (Codex) is my favorite and I also like Lotus Flower (track 5) partially because of the name. I'm mildly obsessed with lotus flowers and am also wearing a lotus flower necklace today... yay :)

So that is my uber exciting morning! You're welcome for all of that useless information, but I leave yo with this tip - If you really want to enjoy your mornings I would highly recommend getting up early enough that you aren't rushed, and give yourself at least a few minutes to just sit with coffee, tea or another warm comforting beverage of your choice and think about how great life is. Then go attack your day with a renewed sense of calm and confidence that you can respond to the 50,000 e-mails in your inbox, make all of your meetings, get your immersion homework done and still make it to choir on time.

Monday Funday

So here's a little of what I've been up to lately other than going to the opera and ranting about various wedding shenanigans:

Finishing off the Quinoa salad....

A LOT of yoga, and a little music... although, it turns out when you try to tune really old guitar strings they tend to snap and go flying across the room, taking the peg with them and nearly killing you. Not that this happened to me on Friday or anything.

... trying to clean all the salt off of my boots... poor boots, the MN winters abuse them so badly. And I hate to say it, but these tall black boots may have seen their last winter. We'll see how they look after cleaning and a little polish, but either way they've had a good long run.

Today I had brunch with Ben's mom at Prima on Lyndale, which was really fun. Ben's dad is a law firm partner who moonlights as an EMT for Target Field and the metrodome, so they get lots of fun swag from the Twins which often is re-gifted to me and Ben... this year's giveaway was pretty awesome if I do say so myself:

Adorable, right??? Looks like there will be a cheese plate at my B-day party...

There has also been an abundance of homework...boo... Luckily I have a couch and snuggly blanket as my workspace. Not half bad. I also went to William's Sonoma yesterday in an attempt to spend my gift-card from my aunt and uncle on something practical. Somehow this happened instead:

Oh yes. Get ready, folks. When Jenna's post on Heath Bar Blondies made me practically drool on my keyboard, I knew it was only a matter of time before I whipped up my own batch, and this box just takes care of a few of the preliminary steps - normally I don't bake things from a mix but this looked too good to pass up. It was a little expensive but that's what gift cards are for, right??

If you're in my Tuesday night class....get excited...

If the dress fits....

...wear it in your wedding!

Yep that's right - my dress is here!!! I was SO exited to try it on yesterday for the first time, but a little bit nervous too. As ridiculous as it sounds, I was scared that I wouldn't fit into after all the baklava I ate in Turkey...but luckily, no such worries were necessary and the dress fit perfectly. Phew.

I've been feeling a little off the last day or so and I'm not really sure why - maybe it's the stress of the impending wedding, or something else entirely but I just feel... not quite right. Like Michael Scott in the office, I'm going to attempt to divide my life into a Happy Box and a Sad Box and see what happens. We'll do the sad box first to get it out of the way:

Sad Box
- I am super excited for the wedding - BUT - when all the little details keep rolling in and everyone keeps making these teeny requests that all add up, it just starts to feel overwhelming and I know I can't possibly accomodate everyone. As grateful as I am that my parents are helping us out so much financially with this wedding, I really want it to be about me and Ben and our lives together - and I realize that it's also a huge family event but... we can have other family events. This is my ONLY wedding, and I don't want to spend it worrying about whether everyone else's needs are being met. End rant.
- Night classes are not my cup of tea. AT ALL. 3 hours of healthcare history? No thank you.
- Why was I even worried about fitting into my dress? This is not something I should be stressing about right now.
- General feelings of inadequacy.
- Minneapolis declared another snow emergency.
- I am out of quarters for laundry.

Happy Box
- I LOVE my dress. And Ben. Pretty sure I love Ben the most.
- I have delicious pear-ginger butter and Great Harvest bread in my pantry.
- puppies.
- Reggae and other happy music - I just made a whole playlist of Matisyahu, Collie Buddz, and Save Ferris which I will now proceed to listen to on repeat for the rest of the day.
- Last night my friend and I resorted to making bets on whether or not the prof would say certain words. It kept us entertained, it helped keep me awake for 3 hours AND now Pete owes me lunch.
- I have amazing, supportive parents who are there for me even when I am a spazz.

Keep calm and make some tea. And maybe go to yoga. And maybe also take a bubble bath. But first, finish the paper that is due tonight...yes...

They say that I'm a lunatic they say that I am full of it, I say that it's worth dreaming just for the dream of it...

Last week I got to see one of Cloud Cult, play at First Ave! I've been excited about this show for months - Cloud Cult is one of my absolute favorite bands, they are offbeat and talented, and their music is meaningful and thought-provoking and they're just all-around awesome. I went with a few friends from grad school - Lia, Judd, Keith, Adam, and Ellie - and and we met up with some of Judd's other friends there as well.

We were all hungry so we grabbed dinner and a beer at O'Donovan's after class and by the time we got to the show it was pretty packed and we ended up standing upstairs...this was our initial view:

However, some of Judd's friends had gotten there before us and grabbed a spot right at the front. He tried to weave through the crowd to join them, eventually gave up and came back upstairs. Something resembling the following conversation then occurred (keep in mind, I was a few beers in at this point):
Me: What?? You're back???
Judd: Yeah, It's hard to move down there, I couldn't get to them.
Me: Nope that's ridiculous. I'll help you.
Judd: Seriously?
Me: YES WE ARE DOING THIS. Let's go.

The following are videos of our successful journey from the balcony to the ground level, to directly in front of the stage. We learned that it's much easier to maneuver if the tiniest person who can fit through small openings (me) goes first, followed by the larger person (Judd), forming a sort of human wedge. It's called "the wedge technique." I may patent it.

... we weren't moving during this video, because I felt like such a heartwarming song is just the wrong time to be shoving people....
Anyways... this is where we ended up!!! :

VICTORY! We found Judd's friends and enjoyed the rest of the show about 10 feet from Craig Minowa. Amazing.

I'd never seen them live before and I was super impressed. In their recordings, Cloud Cult uses strings, brass, keyboards, all sorts of random and crazy percussion instruments and I couldn't help wondering how they would pull it off live....well...it was the shit. They're almost a music collective more than just a band - everyone apparently plays like 3 instruments and they switch off during songs to get the right sound at the right moment, and they were very in-sync with each other and their sound was tight and polished, and full of energy. One of the best shows I've been to in a while.

Afterwards, we might have gone out for more drinks. I might have drunk-dialed my sister just because Anne Frank and Helen Keller came up in a conversation (long story) but I made it home safely (thanks Adam!) and it was a great night. Now... Holiday weekend!!

Still not a Kantian

A couple of weeks ago in pricing class, we had a lengthy discussion about pricing ethics. My professor posed the following situation: you're driving along and you see a yard sale, given by a farmer who is selling everything he owns to feed his family. Among the sale items, you see a painting that is priced at $15.00... but when you look at it you know it's really valuable (a Picasso or a Monet or something along those lines). So... the ethical conundrum is, do you pay the asking price of $15, or do you pay the real value?

Kantian pricing, my professor explained, would demand that you do the right thing and pay the full value. When people in my class started to argue, he just laid on the guilt ("His children are starving! His goats are starving!!" etc). Soon we moved on to Rawles, which was even more awesome. I loved this discussion because philosophy and ethics rarely come up in my classes, at least not directly. Mostly we seem to take it for granted that people will do the right thing.

Anyways, the point of all this is, last weekend I encountered a Kantian pricing conundrum! I was visiting my fiancee at school and we went to one of our favorite places in town, a coffee shop-slash- used bookstore. I think I've previously documented my obsession with books, so no need to explain why I love this place. As I was perusing the Literature section, I came across an old hardcover volume of a book by one of my favorite childrens book authors. It was a 1905, first edition with plated illustrations, in great shape except for the binding which is a little bit falling apart.

I really wanted this book...like REALLY wanted it. The victorian style illustrations and adventureous verses pretty much epitmomized for me what childhood should be like... I started having daydreams of reading them to my kids from this awesome-looking volume, and passing it down to them to read to their kids etc. Only one problem - there was no price marked. I assumed it would probably cost more than a grad student with no income should be paying for one book, but I figured I wouldn't hurt to ask so I took it up to the front desk.

I handed it to the hipster-looking college student manning the cash register/coffee bar, and explained that I'd found this book without a price, and wondered how much it cost.
"Hmm..." she kind of half glanced at the book. "What section was it in?"
"Literature."

She opened a couple of pages and leafed through them for a maximum of 2 seconds. "I dunno," she shrugged. "Five bucks?"
DONE.

I immediately thought about the farmer and his painting - had I just done something horribly immoral? Well... the store obviously wasn't aware of the true value of that book, so they weren't any less happy with the sale... and I was enormously happy getting something I really wanted for far less than it should have cost me, so I figure overall happiness was increased. And at that point offering them more money would have just looked weird.

Needless to say, I spent the whole walk back to Ben's apartment telling him about Kantian pricing and the ethical dilemma of the farmer. Poor Ben. I'm almost as sorry for this as I was for subjecting him to my Managerial Accounting spazzes last spring.

In other news, Maggie is coming to visit this week! Maggie is my parents cat... I think she's awesome, but the last time she was here she hid under my bed for two straight days (unintentionally useful for dusting under there haha). Wish me luck!

Yoga Pet Peeves

Normally I'm not a ranter... OK that's totally false I love a good rant... but anyways, Monday night Yoga class was like all of my yoga studio pet peeves in one place.

1) There are only two bathroom stalls in the locker room. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what they're there for. I get that some people are really shy about being seen without clothes on, but please when the locker room is packed and people are going to and from class, just suck it up and change in the changing area, because I really have to pee and my class starts in 1 minute. Seriously... everyone else is changing out in the open. You can too. I promise no one will judge you.


2) Dear couple in back of me - you're in love. I get that. I'm in love too, it's fantastic... but please for the love of god keep the PDA out of the yoga studio. It's super distracting when I'm just trying to stretch out my legs in down dog to have to see you behind me, making out and invading each other's mat space. I assume you have other places to go where you can be all over each other.... so save it for later kthx.


3) If you are so sick that when you breathe it sounds like you are dying, do not come to class. This one should be pretty self explainatory. I don't want to get sick because of you.

So I realized I haven't blogged about my 365 day yoga committment in a while... it's still going. One thing I've noticed is that my yoga mat has pretty much taken up permanent residence on my living room floor. Usually I go to class or practice by myself at home, but a couple of weeks ago, several friends and I went to a cabin for my friend Emily's bachelorette party. My friend Katie is also an avid yogi, so we both brought our mats... and luckily Katie had an extra, so we did an Ashtanga series with Emily, who was a yoga newbie! (Below - Emily, me and Katie enjoying some chocolate peanut butter cake)

School is going quite awesomely... this year is so much less stressful than last year! I'm really enjoying my classes (especially Corporate Strategy), and am loving my extracurricular leadership commitments, too. I'm especially excited for an event on non-profit marketing I'm planning for November.

Fall has definitely arrived in MN. I broke out the fall table runner and bought a little pumpkin that's hanging out on my kitchen table for decoration. Pictures forthcoming :)

The beginning of the end

Today was my first day back at school. I'd done basically nothing to prepare for this, so at 10:30 last night I was scrambling around trying to get everything together... and wondering where the F is my bus pass, do I need notebooks, crap I don't have any pencils etc. It was only as I was running out the door this morning that I realized, this is my last "first day of school" ever. .. and I got some mixed feelings.

Even if I go back to take more classes, or for a PhD program (NOT likely...), it won't be the same feeling of returning to a close-knit group of people, many of whom you haven't seen since May, laughing and sharing stories and... yeah I geek out over new school supplies. I also have a cubby. And all my meals today were free because of student club meetings, and I got to go home at 3.

I should just say that grad school for me has not been all sunshine and flowers... last year, I was actually pretty miserable. I suddenly felt like everyone around me had it together, and I had no idea who I was or what I wanted. I felt like a complete failure in a multitude of ways, and, by late spring semester, no matter how optimistic I forced myself to be when I walked out the door in the morning, I was totally freaking out by about 1pm.

Yoga was honestly pretty much the only thing that kept me sane last year. It gave me an excuse to spend an hour, a few times a week, to shut my mind off from everything that was weighing me down. Pada 1, 1.2 of Pantjali's Yoga Sturas is: Yogas chitta vritti nirodha, or roughly translated, "Yoga is the restraint of the modifications of the mind-stuff". This basically means that when our misperceptions of what is going on around us create a false understanding of ourselves and drive us bananas, yoga can help us focus and redirect our thoughts, freeing us from the patterns of perception that obscure the true nature of life and self.

It's easy, when a thousand different pressures are pulling you in all directions, to lose sight of who you are and what you really want out of life. We forget what is truly important to us, because of what others tell us should be important... but sometimes you have to just say, screw it. Do I want to study another hour for my managerial accounting final, or do I want to spend this time drinking wine and cooking with Ben? In 10 years, which one will I actually remember?

Ben's friend Neeraj told him you should plan your life by thinking about where you want to be in your last days, and what you want to remember when you look back. I want to remember taking advantage of new possibilities, and cherishing time with the people I love, and so I will invest time in those relationships and in myself and my own happiness - and if I didn't get the perfect MBA internship I thought I wanted, who cares? If I could give this year's first-year students one piece of advice, it would be this: figure out what YOU want...and don't freak out. Don't spend all of your time, effort and mental energy going after something that isn't really you, just because you feel like you SHOULD want that... if you are true to yourself, everything will work out for the best.

On another note, tonight I have a 5:30 yoga class followed by my homemade meal of the day: salad with avocado, pineapple, and my favorite homemade dressing... it's delicious.

Salad dressing recipe (provided by my cousin Alisha):

1/2 cup sugar
1/3 cup red or white wine vinegar
2 tbs poppyseeds
1-2 tsp dry mustard (sorry... i can't remember if it's 1 or 2! Just do it to taste...)
1 cup olive oil

Put them all together in a bowl and whisk until combined. The original salad recipe called for avocado, olives and strawberries as toppings for the greens, but I just use whatever I have on hand. Enjoy :)

Blahhhhgggggghhh....

Sorry I haven't posted these last few weeks....like, at all.....
Things have been kind of crazy. We had mandatory vacation in December in lieu of layoffs which is definitely a plus, but which also meant that I had piles of work waiting for me when I got back, as did everyone else.

MBA applications proceeded to devour the rest of my time. I was in DC with Matt from 12/30 - 1/4, so I didn't have much time to do anything and when I got back I had 3 apps due right in a row. I'd almost finished the first one before I left so that was no problem, but the second two needed a lot of work and were only due a week and a half later, one day apart from each other. Obviously I wanted to put a lot of time and effort into all three of them, the result being:
a) I completely stopped going to the gym.
b) I hardly slept
c) I didn't have time to go to the store so I survived mainly off of toast, yogurt and cereal.

On the other side of the madness, 4 out of 5 apps are in! The 5th is almost done I just need to put in 1 more day of solid work on it. I see the light at the end of the tunnel finally :) I also had an interview already with the first school I applied to, and scheduled another with a different program next Wednesday.

Meeting time.......................